A Letter From Raven Roth
by vinnie the geek
Summary: Raven writes a scathing letter, accusing some random author of making things up about her that are not true! Imagine that! Several replies will follow... Rated, because the subject matter is too mature for FF Admin.
1. A Letter From Raven Roth

Hi, all!

I have been working on some 'serious' stories (no-really,) to try and upgrade my image here...(yes, I know how silly that sounds, but see my latest flame on my profile page...sniffle...I am so ashamed of myself...sob...I deserve to be punished. Possibly a good spanking would be appropriate...)

Props to **Artemisgirl**, for...well, for being Artemisgirl!

Seriously, though-if you are reading my fics because you appreciate someone who tries hard not to butcher the English language, then you should check out **Artemisgirl**s'. In addition, she is also a better storyteller than even the great Vinnie the geek! I know, hard to believe... . She is also somewhat younger than I, and therefore should be immune to the type of abuse I must suffer.

Well! That was uplifting, no?

On to the story...**'A Letter From Raven Roth.'**

b e g i n s t o r y

Dear 'Vinnie,'

Where to begin…? I think what we have here is a failure to communicate-so I will remedy the situation.

I understand that you fancy yourself a writer, and our (the Teen Titans) exploits provide a rich fountain of story ideas from which one may draw inspiration, but I must insist that you stop inventing ludicrous situations and romantic pairings which involve me.

I notice that virtually all of your stories center on me, and my 'romantic involvements.' Has anyone else ever told you that you seem to have an obsession with your (imaginary) version of me? Perhaps you should think of some constructive way you can channel your overactive imagination. (Do you get off on writing love scenes for me because you don't get any?)

How would you like someone, whom you don't even know, making up stories about your private affairs? My love life is none of your business. In fact, I can most definitely assure you that I have no love life at all. Yet you have written stories about me having affairs with numerous team members, both male and female. Worse yet, some of your stories are painfully graphic. (Yes-I saw that disgusting story you posted on AdultFanFic. Too chickenshit to even use the same pen name, huh?)

You, and others like you, make me ill. How you can extrapolate a hug of gratitude I gave Beastboy into a full-blown love affair is beyond my comprehension. He is like an annoying little brother to me-yes; I care about him, when I am not fantasizing of pounding him into sludge, but give me more credit than that! How could I love a little green hairball class-clown type with the I.Q. of an onion? (Sorry, BB.)

Then we have the story that has me falling head-over-heels for my mechanical friend, Cyborg. Oh-please! Cy is a great guy, and intelligent, and he is a good friend-when he is not acting as childishly as Beastboy. Cyborg will eventually find a girl who enjoys stupid video games as much as he does, but it's not going to be me. Yes, I did display genuine joy in helping Cy reconstruct the T-car, but did it ever occur to testosterone-tainted mind that I was just sharing some of Cyborg's joy at having recreated his dream car? Did it ever cross your mind that someone could derive pleasure simply by giving selflessly to another? I also find that physical labor can be a pleasant diversion from the problems of daily life, to say nothing of the satisfaction of just knowing one has done a job well.

Then there is the not insignificant matter of your casting of Starfire as my love interest. This one really pisses me off. Starfire adores Robin, in case you have been too comatose to notice. Besides the fact that Star and I are not lesbians, I do not find her sexually attractive, nor do I have the endless patience required to deal with her constant stream of inanities. She is also sickeningly joyful all the time, and has horrible taste in clothing. Although Robin may find her buoyant naivete endearing, believe me, Star and I have absolutely nothing in common, other than the fact that we both have breasts, which to an immature twit such as you, seems to be the sole defining characteristic of 'femininity.'

As for 'fearless leader' Robin, it seems that you have a healthy skepticism of his ability to have a meaningful relationship with someone other than his computer. Let's keep it that way, shall we? I have better things to do with my life than to try to deal with his insecurities, phobias, and multiple neuroses. Don't even try to go there!

In closing, I would like to inform you that, as much as I would like to grind you into one of Starfire's puddings-of-sadness, I am exerting (as I always do) remarkable restraint in dealing with you; you pathetic loser. You will be hearing from one of Mr. Bruce Wayne's many powerful, well connected, and humorless attorneys. I sincerely hope that you find nothing in his treatment of you to be amusing. You have savaged my reputation, and viciously assaulted my character-you will be repaid in kind.

I will not wish you to 'drop dead,' only because that would deprive me of the immense pleasure that I will experience from seeing you squirm and beg for mercy, after my lawyer is done with you.

Here's to hoping I never hear from you again….

Sincerely,

Raven Roth

P.S. I don't know how the hell you found out my real name is Ri'is, but if my lawyer doesn't beat it out of you, I surely will.

P.S.S. I hate you. I hate you so much.

p a g e b r e a k h e r e

This isVin again. Please review, even if you must flame, and crush my poor little ego...


	2. From Vincent Del Greco's Lawyer

**Note:** It has recently become an issue that some of you like to flame, but do not have the stones to sign in, so that I may properly respond. To you, all I can say is: don't be a chickenshit! If you have a negative opinion, write an intelligent critique, and sign it...otherwise, I shall have to assume that you lack the necessary intelligence and confidence to actually carry on a civilized discourse.

**Props** (and malaprops):

**Tamaranian Raven:** Thank you-you're such a sweetheart!

**Terra Logan:** Thanks! Ri'is! Hate you too! blows kiss

**Darkest Midnight:** Thank you! You are too kind...but keep it up! Awesome assemblage of affably affecting lexicon!

**ITIFM name:** Thank you! Sorry, but I still like Raveast, for the same reasons you mentioned for the RaeStar pairing. And thank you for the compliment, but rest assured; judging from your well-considered reviews, (discounting understandable spelling errors,) you are quite capable of conversing with me as an equal.

**Artemisgirl:** Thanks! You know how I value your opinion...

**Me:** Thanks, but everything I wrote is a lie...no, wait-that is not true. RaeStar is 'twisted?' Oops...

**Azarathgirl:** Yes, Raven is Raven. And Robin is three people. But he is Dick Greyson. But he cannot be, because in this time frame he is Batman's partner. But in some of the Batman series in this timeframe Batman has no partner...

**Outlawarcher:** Ummm...were you trying to cheer me up, or make me more depressed?

**Blui:** Hee hee-I crack me up, too! Thanks!

**Serve the Abbalah:** We know her parents? WE? I don't want to get my ass kicked!

**Angel Vanilla:** Thanks! I too, like Raven-centered stories (as if you didn't notice.) But I am not obsessed with Raven_!(...Vinnie's Brain: Liar!...)_

**Slade's Downfall:** Thanks! I cannot think of anything I would rather provoke than a screaming riot of merry mayhem!

**To those who read, and do not review:**_ **Phtppppppt!**_

( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)

( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)

Pierre 'Catfish' La Coque, Assn..H.O., L.E.

Law offices of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.

10900 W. East 10th Street.

Flagellate, LA 12522-3124

Ph 1-800- SC-REWYU (727-3998)

April 11, 2005

Re: Your claims of defamation and libelous injury.

Dear Ms. 'Roth,'

I represent the interests of Mr. Vincent Del Greco (Geek, Vinnie the,) in the matter of the above mentioned declaration of intended litigation for injuries suffered to yourself due to infringement upon your name and appropriation of your persona.

I have taken the liberty of checking a few facts. To whit: 'Raven' is a rather common name, and although it is listed as your birth name, that hardly qualifies it as your sole intellectual property. Your last name, 'Roth,' is purely fiction. While there is no proper record of your actual birth father, rumors abound. Does the name-title 'Trigornium' mean anything to you? Is there something about your history that you wish to hide? Perhaps it would be in your best interest to 'let sleeping dogs lie,' so to speak. ( Humor.)

I have also spoken to the appropriate people at the law firm of Arlin, Carlisle, Dorr, Figueroa, Gorman, Heidelburgstein, Jarvis, Kammeyer, Lewiston, Mackie, Newell, Rastenmeyer, Samuels, Santorini, Slatsky, Strohmeyer, Styn, Watrous, Winthrop and Yan; who represent Mr. Bruce Wayne. They do not recall their services being retained by anyone by the name of Raven, or Roth, or any combination thereof.

Before proceeding further with our counter suit for mental and physical suffering experienced by Mr. Del Greco, of which your threatening letter was the proximate causal agent, I should like to explain a few of the finer points of the law, as it pertains to copyright, register, infringement, and possession.

You own no copyright. Your name, while you possess the right to continue using it; is registered to, and to sole possession of DC Comics. Everything else-your outfit; your powers; your history; your current adventures and exploits; are trademark and copyright property of DC Comics, Marv Wolfman, George Perez, Cartoon Network, Time-Warner Co., and others too numerous to mention. It is quite possible that the last meal you had, and the color of your brassiere and panties (assuming you are wearing any,) are copyrighted and trademarked by the aforementioned corporations and individuals.

My client is making no infringement of trademark or copyright by using you as a semi-fictional character in not-for-profit fanfiction. If you feel that has been any improper use of your copyrighted, trademarked character, as portrayed in DC Comics, or Cartoon Network's animated series, I suggest you refer your complaint to the legal departments of Time-Warner Inc., and DC Comics.

In the meantime, I would caution you in the strongest possible terms, to cease and desist in your threats of bodily harm toward my client, and implied legal actions which are not forthcoming.

Thank you for you kind attention in this matter,

Pierre 'Catfish' LaCoque

PCL/abv

CC:VDG

(...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)

( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)( ...t h i s i s t h e p a g e b r e a k ...)

Please review! (Be gentile...hee hee.)


	3. Raven replies 'nicely'

_Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Teen Titans, but Raven writes to me-nyah, nyah!_

**Shoutouts!**

**Darkest Midnight:** Thank you so much for the lovely ego-boost, but I am not so much intelligent as I am a clever BS artist!

**schizoandproud:** Thanks! Nice to see you here. But tell me: why is it that you doubt my greatness? Surely you do not want my opinion?

**Malcore Xan'thex**: Wow! You are a Priest, too! That is sooo cool...but I am Jewish. The Jew-on-a-stick burns my eyes...(Calm down, folks-it's just a joke. Jesus is cool-just don't hang him on the wall like a trophy, okay?)

**outlawarcher:** Whew! Thanks for clearing that up. And thanks for reviewing!

**gothic kid 13:** Ummm...trying to be nice, here. Uhhh...I _did_ get the letter-that was kind of the whole idea...

**Wave Maker:** Tanks! When I get back to Raven, I will try to work that in. (Although you realize she will kick my ass, don't you?)

**Angel Vanilla:** Thanks! Yes, you did get that right. You are absolutely correct, except that you did not carry that out far enough-anyone who does not think Raven is the _best_ character is out of his'r mind!

**Dove of Night:** Dang! I was hoping no one would ask...but I must be truthful. The law firm of 'Dewey, Cheatum & Howe,' is a nearly-100 years old paronomasia. But since most here are too young to have seen that... Hey-Milton Berle is rumored to have stolen all his best jokes!

**Terra Logan:** Thanks! Yes, I am just setting up for more... And yes, that was a bit too obvious, but if I hid it better, I figured most would miss it entirely. 'Pweeze?' That is waaaaay too cute-my eyes burn! Yes-yes-yes I will do more! Just don't say that word again! (j/k)

**Lost Inside:** Thanks! But how did you get lost here? Just hit control/backspace...

**Tamaranian Raven:** Thanks! Yeah-lawyers...A lawyer steps out of his Corvette, and a passing car hits his door and takes it off. The lawyer screams 'my beautiful car!' A witness speaks kindly to the lawyer, 'I'm afraid that's not the worst-that car also took off your arm with you car door...' The lawyer looks down where his left arm should be, and screams 'Ahhh! My Rolex!'

**wolf:** ...thnk y...

(pagebreakhere)

Dear Mr. Del Greco,

Is that your real name?

Uh, I guess I should say that (strikethrough)imsorry,(strikethrough) _I hate you!_ if that will make you play nice. I suppose I may have been just a teeny-tiny-bit over-sensitive about your using my name in your stories. _I'm going to kill you. _But seriously, would it be too much to ask that you write stories with slightly different characters?

You have no idea what it is like trying to live with that idiot Beast boy since he started reading your stories. The little pervert thinks that we are 'destined' to be together. I think he imagines your stories to be true. Either that, or you have ignited a tiny spark of imagination in his mind, which has blossomed into a raging bonfire, probably due to all the Q-tips he loses while cleaning his ears. (You wondered what his head was full of?)

Worse yet, he is trying to write poetry. _Love _Poetry! Guess whom it's about?_ No-I'm going to make you WISH I had killed you! _He has to ask me for help spelling and rhyming-sigh-and I still haven't been able to explain to his satisfaction why 'strange' doesn't rhyme with 'orange'...

Cyborg is having a great time with my 'predicament.' I can tell whenever he is reading one of your stories, because he giggles uncontrollably, suddenly stopping when he catches sight of me watching him. He stares at me ass a lot. _I know where you live, you bastard!_ I feel like I am living with a big metal dog in heat. Could you maybe write a third chapter to 'Bittersweet,' and make it all a dream again? It couldn't possibly make things worse...

Robin has been very nice about the whole thing, and is very respectful of my feelings. Yeah-I'm laughing. What an idiot! He has been doing his best to ignore me. He tries to pretend he doesn't see me, even when I am sitting at the table right in front of him, as if that should make me feel better about myself. I suppose he thinks he is being considerate by not talking about it. Personally, I would be happier with him if he would just go ahead and say something crude, like 'what do I get for twenty bucks?' I know he's thinking it. Oh, that reminds me, in case you actually care, that is; I cannot 'read' minds. _Don't go to sleep! ...You think you've had nightmares before? Muahahahaha! _I am sensitive to powerful emotions, and sometimes get brief flashes of insight, but my abilities do not enable me to actually 'see' what someone is thinking, literally. I wish...

Oh yeah...Starfire... thanks a lot. As if the poor girl was not confused enough, trying to figure out what eyeless-boy's intentions are. She really loves him, although I can't for the life of me see why. But now, since see has seen 'Earth-romance,' (I use the term loosely,) as portrayed in your stories, she is trying hard to become a slut. She has taken to wearing even shorter skirts, and tighter (if, in fact, that is possible,) tops. _Remember what I did to Doctor Light? Remember how he practically begged to be arrested when I 'offered' to take him to the endless abyss again?_ She asked me the other day what a bra is, and why one would choose to wear one, etc. Now she wants me to take her shopping for lingerie. Nice job, dude.

She flirts with 'friend Cyborg' constantly. That's another thing-she never addressed anyone with the adjective 'friend' added before his or her name, until she saw it in your writings, and decided it was 'cute.' Think I'm gonna hurl.

Oh yes-back to Cy...you_ do_ know how cruel that is, don't you? (Writing romances involving Cyborg.) To answer your question, Cyborg is a eunuch. Have a good laugh? _Remeber Malchior? Would you like to join him in a good book? Heh-heh... _Remember, my metal friend does have a bit of repressed hostility. I'm not sure you want to piss him off...although that would solve my problem, hee hee!

Wanna know what Starfire did the other day? She asked me out. On a date. Yeah, that kind of date. She tried to hold my hand. She tried to...sigh...never mind. She doesn't understand that, although it is not forbidden to love another woman on Earth, most of us prefer male companionship. All of a sudden, she finds me 'attractive,' and can't understand why I don't return the feeling. _I will make you the new posterboy for Viagra _Would you_ please_ write her into a story with Robin? Even if she has to rape 'Boy Scout.' The poor girl has no direction, now...

I will be nice if you will. Just try and see things from my point of view. If you want to write stories about the Teen Titans, at least make them accurate. I might even be persuaded to _Grrrrrrr! _provide you with some inside info.

Thank you _Schmuck! _for your kind attention,

Raven _Your worst nightmare _Roth

(pagebreakhere)

Hee hee-this is easy! Please insert review here...(well, only if you want more...)


	4. Vin forgets to engage brain

Hey-I think Ravey-pooh likes me! But I don't own her, or any of the others-sigh-a bunch of other writers and corporate-types do...

The fabulous Vinnie's** Props:**

**Lost Inside:** LOL...Thanks! Umm...what was mean, my crack at you, or something in the letter? Am I jealous of you? I don't recall...

**Terra Logan: **Agggghh-aaaaiiii! You did it again! ...brain...melting... (Brain: I'm fine, that's earwax.)

**Darkest Midnight**: Wow! You're getting good at this... But, deranged and orange? How about 'syringe?' Where I grew up, that comes closer to the same 'a' sound. Anyway, you highlighted one of my favorite lines! Hee hee-here's your cookie...

**outlawarcher:** Wow! You highlighted my _favorite_ line! You get two cookies...wait-I need to adjust my tinfoil anti-space-alien-mind-control-transmission helmet. It keeps interfering with my ability to listen to the electricity in the walls...

**Dove of Night:** Huh? Dude, did she say 'dude?' And she wrote_ threats_! Oh, crap-I didn't see that. And I already mailed my reply off...I am so dead...

**Malcore Xan'thex:** Thanks...You can start a church of my own? Do you have to assume control of my mind to do that? Dude!

**Angel Vanilla:** Thanks! But, go where? You are so kind, I would go almost anywhere for you-but I hate L.A., okay?

**Tamaranian Raven:** Thanks, but... If I am an excellent writer, and you wish me to continue, but you hate my (possibly) favorite subject matter... Does that make you conflicted-or does it just make me a pervert? Hee hee... (I will try to cut down, but like chocolate, it is a most difficult addiction to break.)

**Duyt**: Danke Schon! Gee, you sound kinda intelligent, too. So what are you doing here? Hee hee-no offense, anyone-that was a joke...I think... Yeah, heh-heh-typo 'me ass.' But is that Irish or Welsh? Och! Gesundheit!

**name, my, forgot I, think I**: Whoo! You read it twice? That's more than I did! Thanks for being so amused, but could you laugh louder-I can't hear you... Can you teach me that trick? The one with your butt...I've got a middle-age gut I would like to laugh off...

**To the rest of yu voyers:** Freeloders! I provids hi-kwality of entertaynmint hear so's yu'all kin rede it fer free. Da leest yew kin doo is too ree-veeyew!

(...e n d p r o p s...b e g i n l e t t e r ...)

(...e n d p r o p s...b e g i n l e t t e r ...)

Dear Raven,

Wow! I am so glad that we understand each other, now. I was worried, for a while there, that you were truly angry at me. Now I can see that your problem is just misplaced aggression.

The way your friends are acting would surely drive anyone up the wall. You ought to give BB a try, though. Even though he is a scrawny, pea-brained, immature hairball, I think that you two make a really cute couple. I know a lot of other fans of yours that also think that you and Beast boy belong together. Do it for the fangirls!

I mean, come on; we both know that Robin is wa-ay too obsessed with his hunt for Slade to pay much attention to you, and he isn't very affectionate, either. Do you really want to waste your time on a guy who wouldn't recognize someone crushing on him even if she bit him on the ass? kaf Starfire kaf

As for Cyborg...why don't you tell bucket-head to get a life of his own? You wanna shut him up? How's about you walk up to him when he is perving out on the computer, and tell him: _'Hey, Cy. You get off on thinkin what I look like naked? You wanna see? Okay, I'll show you mine-if you show me yours!'_ Ha ha ha! Man, would that be funny! I bet he won't bother you for a long time...

Starfire is easy. Just tell the little poptart that you're gonna fix her up with Robin. Then you go tell lost-boy that he needs to take Starrie on a real date, and kiss her, and...well, you decide the rest. Shoot-you could kick his ass so easy! Don't let him chicken out. Tell him that if he doesn't cooperate, and show Star a nice time, that you will go all Malchior on his ass. Or give him a peek of your undies, like you did to Dr. Lightweight- hee hee!

Oh, and be sure to tell Robin that you don't appreciate him acting like some kind of stuck-up holier-than-thou French Ambassador to the United Nations. If he has any doubts about you moral character he should talk to you about it like a man. Hey, it's not as if he's never done anything stupid or sleazy in his life, either!

I am so grateful that you agreed to help me with my stories! This is gonna be great! Now that I know that tin man can't write his name in the snow, I won't write any more love stories with him! (Hmmm...how does he...uhh...you know-you eat, and then...where does it go?)

What about the rest of you? Are you all virgins? Does anybody 'like' anybody? Do you really have the hots for Aqualad, or were you just impressed with the size of his fish? I don't like him-I think he is too snippy. What about Speedy? He is such a vain, posturing, shallow jerk-I don't see how either of you chiquitas could even _think_ about him. He's even more of a weenie than Robbie-pooh.

Hee hee! I just thought of something. Does Bumblebee know about Cyborg's 'little' problem? Or, I should say, 'no' problem-ha ha ha! 'Sparky' is a good nickname for him-the only 'capacity' he has for overcoming her 'resistance' to investigating their 'potential difference,' would be for him to induce 'dielectric heating,' using an electric discharge from his power core! Bwahahahaha!

Oh, hey-how's it coming with Terra? You _did _promise BB that you would be trying to bring her back. Do you like her? Did **Artemisgirl** guess right? Is that why you were so unreasonably hostile to her; because you hated yourself for feeling attracted to her? Psychoanalysts call that 'Transference, you know, when you attribute an internal emotion of yours to another, and project it upon them. So, you would hate Terra, because you really hate yourself for loving her, but you can't admit your feelings of love or of self-hate, because you are such a repressive personality. Man, you should have a shrink look at your head! You are a mess.

Or are you just jealous, because BB liked her? ...Naw...

It was great talking to you again! Write back. I'm sure we will have a lot more to talk about.

Thanks for being so understanding,

Vin

P.S. You guys have a lot of money, right? Maybe you could help me with my legal bills?

I mean, it was your fault, and all...

(...e n d l e t t e r... b e g i n s h a m l e s s b e g g i n g f o r r e v i e w s...)

(...e n d l e t t e r... b e g i n s h a m l e s s b e g g i n g f o r r e v i e w s...)

Hi! Remember to pay on your way out. The price is one little review! Thank kew!


	5. New Tactic: Blackmail!

Hey-it's great to be back! For the curious among you, I was banned for a week, because I used a naughty word, which shall remain unnamed, (bitches) in my 'G' rated summary of 'Love & Loathing.' I thought that word, which I shall not mention, (bitches) since it was used as a verb, was not offensive...shows what I know! Even if the FF Admin.'s are too ignorant to deduce that I used that word, that I shall not name, (bitches) as a verb; what's so offensive about the plural form of 'female dog?' Vinnie

Here it is...I know you've been waiting for it...

**Vinnie's Shoutouts!**

**Terra Shiori Logan: **Naw-Artemisgirl is only scary the first time you meet her-if you live through it...Muahahahaha! Hey-check my bio page! You made 'Review of the Week!' Congrats!

**Darkest Midnight:** As usual, your review was deliriously delicious! I really enjoy when people point out their favorite line(s.) Rock on, and I LOVE that you put extra effort into writing your incredible reviews-don't ever stop! Nurple, hurtful, burple, slurple, pit bull, mandrel, landfill, handful...yeah, you're right. Nothing rhymes with 'purple.' Not any 'real' words, anyway...

**Outlawarcher:** Thanks for pointing out your favorite line-I appreciate when reviewers do that! As you will see, Raven is actually very understanding, and is dealing quite well...Oo

**Angel Vanilla:** Sorry you had to wait so long...not my fault. (Brain: Liar!) I won't say I love you, because I don't want to sound like a creepy perv...(Brain: Liar!) Thanks for not sending me to the city of fruits and nuts!

**Vandagirl: **Thank you! Thanks for the moral support! (BTW-Lesbianism also violates my religious beliefs-so let's just pretend this is fiction...oh yeah, it is!) That's how I deal with it...

**Lost Inside:** Ummm...yes? Are you gonna hurt me now? Sorry-another question-damn! But I love, love, love, baseball! Yankees rule, Red Sox drool! Idiots! Only the Red Sox would be 'proud' to call themselves 'a bunch of idiots!'

**Dove of Night: **Yeah? Hee-hee...Chauvinistic? Me? Only some lovey-dovey-named chick would say that...oops...are you gonna hurt me now? (In reality, I am very modern, and fair-minded. It just pisses me off when my woman-I mean-wife, doesn't have my dinner ready when I get home because she is 'busy' doing laundry, vacuuming, sewing, cleaning the car, and shining my shoes...)

**Jimbo Jones**: You're supposed to heap undeserved praise on the author before you ask a favor! Humph! I may do that, though. Thanks for the idea, and for reviewing!

**Malcore Xan'thex: **Bad nerd jokes? BAD NERD JOKES? WTF are you talking about? (Brain: Your jokes suck...) Oh...okay...Oo...sorry...I suck! I will never write again-you tell everyone why.

**I think I forgot your name**: Yes, I am truly shocked that you are deaf, and on a site for readers! I have a nephew who is blind, and it takes people a while to figure it out: he beats me at (regular) video games, rides a regular bicycle in the street, and won medals in skiing at Special Olympics. Hey-your name is great-I'm just having fun...but if you want a nickname...how about Dory? O.o 'The Gods Must Be Crazy' is a great movie! Thanks!

**Tamarainian Raven: **Thank you for saying I'm not a pervert, but my shrink disagrees! But hey-you got that right: it is a guy thing...(see Budweiser commercial...) And thank you for comparing me to Xaphrin! Good writer, regardless subject matter.

**Duyt:** Lazy? You? But you write reviews all the time! That takes some effort! Pass the ice cream, please...

**Amanda:** Thank you! But...does that mean you want to kick my ass, too?

(This pagebreak sucks! Thank FF Admin. for this crappy pagebreak! Tell them they suck, too!)

(...story follows...)

Dear Mr. Del Greco,

What the hell is going on? Am I hallucinating? The letter you wrote me read like a bad dream. You can't really be that idiotic, callous, and ignorant, can you? You sound like a chauvinist pig, flaunting your disregard for women. Are you also a rapper? Is it possible that you did not understand a thing I said (in addition to missing my little subliminal 'hints', apparently.)

Forget threats. Forget lawyers. Forget I am intelligent-besides being vengeful? This time, I will fight fire with fire. Hit you where it hurts.

I am going to start posting my own stories! Guess who is going to be the headliner of my fiction, hmmm?

Before you cough up a lung laughing at that, consider that I am an empath. That, and I have some friends who all sorts of ways to get the real dirt on people. I have lots of interesting information to work with.

Where should I begin? How about college? I know all about you and your roommate, and the rest of your waste-product-stoner-degenerate friends. The time in 1979 that you almost started a prairie fire. The time you and Brandon jumped on top of his car and mooned the whole dorm, told them all to 'fuck themselves,' and left, with the intent of starting a commune in Oregon? Funny stuff, dude!

Got some photos of you back then, too, 'cro-magnon man.' Nice hair. Yeah-I know what that refers to-of course. Cough / high school gym teacher / cough.

I know about your 'first time.' Holy crap! Talk about a snaggle tooth! What is that thing on her face? Dude-that's not even funny! How could you touch her? I bet you don't even tell your best friends about that, hee hee.

Does your wife know about your addiction to pornography? Or your obsession with overly-large breasts? Funny, you wouldn't guess, looking at her...

I know it's normal to have a crush on a teacher, but that old bag that taught chemistry? She reminds me of Carrot Top. Makes me shudder to think about it...

How about the time at the band festival? Yeah-the one where your mom got you off the bus and told all your friends that Mr. Geralds could 'shit in his hat,' if he didn't like it...?

You think that's bad enough? What if I come see you in person, and read your perverted mind for some really good stuff? Yeah-I lied...

Do I need to go on...? Thought so. So shut the hell up! Stop writing about me!

Lovingly, (Muahahahahaha!)

Raven Roth

P.S. I'll bet you've fantasized about my hand on your nads...how's it feel?

(This pagebreak sucks! Thank FF Admin. for this crappy pagebreak! Tell them they suck, too!)

_Please continue writing your incredible, hilarious, much-appreciated, fabulous, incredible, inspiring, incredible, wondrous, marvelous, incredible, and certainly justifiable, reviews! If not for your reviews, I would not be here! Hey-you gotta give up something-I'm not gettin paid for this..._


	6. Forgive me, my Love!

Hee hee-I don't think this is over, yet...

Okay! On to the truly important stuff-the famous **'Vinnie's Props!'**

**Lor-al:** Thanks. How's Jor-el doing?

**Lost Inside:** Hmmm...nasty, yet very funny...yeah! That's exactly what I was going for, come to think of it! The Giants are okay-I just don't like that guy-you know-the one that hates that Babe Ruth will always be remembered as THE greatest player the game has ever known...

**schizoandproud:** Don't die! ...I need the reviews... Hey, I do med's too! I gots some yellow ones, and some pink ones, and some orangy-kinda ones...

**Darkest Midnight:** Ackkk! This is fiction...I would NEVER write from my real life experiences...right? Please tell me you believe me...

**Angel Vanilla:** That's so nice of you to believe the best of me! Do you have any naughty pictures to send me of yourself? They're for Brain, of course, not me...

**2Lazy2Register:** Ummm...she's not real? Oh... /sniffle/ ...no wonder she never... /whimper/ ...excuse me, I need to double up on my Prozac...

**Tamaranian Raven:** You know Raven's mom! How cool is that! Tell her hi for me, and see if you can get me an autograph. Please! Oh, wait. I bet you're gonna tell me now that she's not real, either... /sob/

**TerraShioriLogan:** Hee hee. I bow to your elaborate ruse. You are older than you are telling, aren't you? You are far too sly. Oh-do you mean the group 'Blackmail,' or the act of blackmail, or the medieval body armor black mail? Hey-I didn't say I don't like it...just when it's not me committing the act...

**Dory, aka, the reviewer formerly known as I think i forgot my name:** How about Magoo? Shocked? Hardly. I am dissapointed, however, that you do not feel like letting me have a go at your writing...hardly sporting now, eh? But please continue your delightful reviews!

**Dove of Night**: Hey-yeah...that review was pretty funny...heh-heh...right? That was meant to be funny, right/sweating/ Funny-right/sweating/ Fun, fun, fun...please don't kick my ass.../act of contrition/...were you admiring your letter, or Raven's?

**Duyt:** Sigh...another one... Now, where did I ever give anyone the idea that the author in this story is me? Oh... never mind... But I did not say that I wrote from my life experiences-that would be stupid! I would never do that...(Brain: Liar) Shut up, Brain!

**J.Zink:** I am sweating bullets, dude! Hey! 3 Booyahs to you and all the great guys in our military, wherever they are! God Bless You!

**Malcore Xan'thex:** Ninja Monkeys? Pshaw! YOU tell Raven her plan sucks, if you're so brave! Oh-and about my not being famous enough to be humiliated...see review by 'The Master of Skittles.' Booyah! I am being compared to Dave Chappelle! Nyah, nyah!

**The Master of Skittles:** Wow! Now I have two front runners for brown-nose-oops, I mean 'Review of the Week!' I have to admit-pointless flattery WILL get you quite far...thanks ever so much...

Well...ahem! Enough preening. On to the next installment of our thrilling psychodramatic dance of correspondence.

(Note: This is a pagebreak. Any resemblance to actual writing is purely coincidental, and is not the responsibility of the Administration of Fanfictiondotnet-they do not give a &#$)

Dearest Raven,

I don't suppose it would be sufficient to say the I am sorry...? I suddenly came to the completely unprompted recognition that I have been acting in a way that could be easily misinterpreted as inconsiderate. Or, at the very least, insensitive...

Oh hell-I have been acting like a dumb-ass. I, of all people, should know better than to try and match wits with one who is so demonstrably my superior in all ways. I have always marveled at your quick wit, your piercing observations, and your infallible logical deductions. I find myself in the odd situation of being jealous of your ability to maintain such rigid control of your emotions. If only I were able to conduct myself in so noble a manner!

Oh, what a marvelous world we should inhabit, could but all mankind exercise such restraint upon his base instincts as your example shows us. Please dear, merciful, Raven-before you dispatch me, for the minions of hell to do with as they please; would you honor a request that you reveal to me your secrets of meditation? What is it that enables you to so expertly manipulate the most ancient scourge of mankind-his unrestrained greed, wants, and desires?

If only I could be the Captain Picard to your-uh-Raven! Together we could stamp out the plague of madness which holds sway in our moderne society.

Do not trouble yourself further-I will write no more Teen Titans stories. Besides the writer's block that has overtaken me, the fear brought upon me, by my angering of you, has brought me to the point of wishing only for a quick end to my worthless life. Here I have been adoring you from afar, all these years, and I have succeeded in gaining your attention, only to have you despise me for it. I have nothing left to live for, no higher calling to follow, now that I have alienated the one to whom I aspired to share the search for a higher truth.

If only I could have exercised more restraint, as my beloved Raven does! Had I not lacked the courage to contact you directly before this time, what a different, and infinitely better direction my life would have taken! With my considerable monetary resources, and scientific abilities, and your incredible intellect and empathy, we could have changed the world!

I am truly sorry for any pain I have caused you, my beloved Raven.

With all my love,

Vincent

P.S. Could you please find it within your merciful heart to send me a picture, which I can gaze upon longingly, and contemplate what might have been?

P.S.S. Could you autograph it to 'My dearest friend?'


	7. Catfish again!

I have decided to reveal the true genius behind this mercilously mirthful menagerie. My real name is **Acke Dilldock. **So lay off of poor vinnie the geek! Write me horrible death threats and merciless reviews. Sue me-see if I care! I LOVE TERRA-she is way cooler than Raven! HA! So there!

But first-the **Props! **(from vinnie, or perhaps not...)

**Sue H: **Glad someone is laughing... Seriously, please continue to read and review! Yeah, you're not a pervert, like I'm not... (Ouch-stop it-that hurt, Brain!)

**Martson:** Don't die, I still need you to cover for me...oops...

**Outlawarcher:** I don't understand-I'm still waiting for my picture... . Do you think I was presumptuous to ask for an autograph?

**Schizo and proud:** Yeah, I try not to laugh while I'm sewing while driving and drinking Coke...I always stab my big toe... You know, a naked pic of BB might be worth something...

**RBosaZ1: **Thanks! And relation to Bebe Rebozo? I thought the players were the 'idiots,' not the fans-but who am I to contradict you... Next Red Sox championship...2096! Go Sox!

**Dove of Nigh**t: You're looking in the wrong place...check in the sofa, where all the coins and gum wrappers hide. Glad you weren't gonna hurt me-then that would be 4 people I have to put restraining orders on...

**Gaarasama:** Huh? I have no life! I have done not a single interesting, embarrassing, or indictable thing in my life!

**2Lazy2Register:** I should try the chalk thing...the candles didn't work.. Me too-can't wait for more Raven-y goodness!

**RenegadeMustang**/raises glass/ Here's to dying with honor (while screaming like a little girl...)

**Darkest Midnight:** You believe? Cool! Then there's still hope Raven will... and what's with the 'w/e?' Is that 'white elephant,' or 'week end,' or 'wussie eunuch,' or...

**Terra Shiori Logan:** You're sure you want 'me' to keep writing? Sorry-don't get your panties all in a wad about the age thing! Hee hee-'Vin,' reveal his feelings? Hee hee...

**Rivertam:** Hee hee. Read my other Raven stories... oh-and don't forget to leave glowing reviews! Thanks in advance...hee hee...

**Saint H:** All guys are perverts on the inside? You sound like a girl when you say that...oh...(Brain: Moron!) Ummm...yeah...uh...oh yeah-**AckeDilldock**is the author-pervert! I spelled that right, didn't I...

**Saint H:** Didn't I already get you? I mean, prop you... Yes, of course-I knew I forgot something...with no clothes...you don't think she'd mind? What is 'shashafarffarara,' or whatever the hell that was? I don't even know if I should laugh... and yes, you win-here is your cookie...mmmm-chocolate chip...

**Magoo, the reviewer formerly known as 'I think i forgot my name', prior to being known as 'Dory'**: Whew! I'm not gonna write any more, but I think 'Martson' is... Sorry, I so have a crush on Raven... (Brain: Not me!) Yeah, you get the sounds right-but what is this 'loyal (so far)' junk? You are thinking of dumping me? Horrors! (Brain: Wuss!) Please, tell me what I (I mean **Acke Dilldock**) needs to do to earn your everlasting loyalty.

**Malcore Xan'thex: **Dang! I forgot that, too! I need to check with you guys first, next time, before I write to Raven. Thanks, Rev.

**Lost Inside: **Hmmm...you actually does knows your baseball...Thanks, but as I explained, all the credit (and indictments) must go to **Acke Dilldock...**

**Rivertam:** You again? Glorioskies! Umm...how do you know that Star doesn't wear a brassiere? Have you seen something I need desperately to see? My email address is...

**TameranianRaven:** Well...I think Raven might work with some of the X-Men, or Superman. You know-the guys who could kick her...Owww! Umm...yeah, I like Raven a lot...but 'lust' is such a crude term. No-not love, either...(Brain: Lying sack of...)

**To the rest of you**-who did not review:**Acke Dilldock**says he is gonna kick your ass!

( 2nd letter form 'V's' lawyer follow lame-ass pagebreak mandated by fanfictiondotnet administration pinheads)

Pierre 'Catfish' La Coque, Assn..A.H, l.e.

Law offices of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.

10900 W. East 10th Street.

Flagellate, LA 12522-3124

Ph 1-800- SC-REWYU (727-3998)

April 26, 2005

Re: Vinnie the Geek vs. 'Vincent Del Greco' et al

To Whom it May Concern,

It has come to our attention that some of the readers of this fictional account are under the mistaken impression that some of the characters, places, names, events, or descriptions used therein, are taken from real-life characters, places, names, evens, or descriptions.

Nothing, I assure you, could be further from the truth. The 'Vincent Del Greco,' author, named in these correspondences is in no way related to, or based on the beloved author you know as 'Vinnie the Geek.' The Vincent in this story is an entirely fictional character, concieved by the brilliant mind of 'Vinne the Geek.' Mr. Geek has a fertile imagination, and has no need to pluck characters and situations from real life in order to create interesting interactions and situations in his stories.

Mr. Geek would like me to inform his readers that he has never participated in illegal activities when he was at college. He has never gotten drunk, and spent a night in an elevator, going up and down; up and down, or passed nights worshiping the porcelain god after indulging in too much 3.2 Coors. He has never dated a 'slumpbuster.' He still firmly denies ever having committed statutory rape, for which he was never formally charged.

There is no truth to the rumor that Vinnie went to Eskimo Joe's 'grabbing ass,' after consuming massive abounts of 'cowboy coolade.' Mr. Geek was not a marching band geek in highschool. And, although he did threaten to join a commune, he did not 'moon' the dormatory.

Mr. Geek assures the readers that, although he has had many associations with unsavory characters, who did engage in the recreational use of illegal substances, he has no memory of ever partaking, himself. Mr. Geek does not drink, smoke, have sexual relations, cheat on income taxes, pick up stray prostitutes, or collect pennies. He does not abuse animals or small children. He contributes to charitable organizations, and drives an old automobile, in order to help save the environment. He does not chew gum, or eat sugary snack foods.

In addition, Mr. Geek assures me that he has never been a member of the American Nazi Party, never used a 'swear word' in his entire life, and was breast fed. He has never ridden a motorcycle without a helmet, or participated in skydiving, or other hazardous activities. He has never physically assaulted his cousin, or broken any bones-his or another's. The rumors of his secretly wishing to be a woman are not true. He is not obsessed with Raven, Starfire, Little Annie Fanny, Barbara Bush, Adolph Hitler, Julius Ceasar, or Pee Wee Herman.

Thank you for your rapt attention. I have assured Mr. Geek that this letter will have the desired effect of squelching all the nasty rumors and conjecture surrounding the real and fictional authors involved in the interactions with Miss Raven of the Teen Titans.

Sincerely,

Pierre 'Catfish' La Coque

P.S. I am also soliciting funds for the 'Save the Geek' fund. I really need to get paid.

( this is the pagebreak-this is the pagebreak-whee! isn't this great!)

Ummm...review. (Brain: Or else!) Oooh! Oooh! Almost forgot-be sure to check my bio page often, to see the latest Ego-Meter reading, and the much-coveted 'Review of the Week!' And other occasional nonsense...


	8. Dude you are so like dead

Hi. This is not me. This is Acke.

Acke's Props:

**Outlawarcher:** Tanks for da C-note! Hey-youse don't spell too good, but I dunno-I don't talk so good, neither…

**Darkest Midnight: **I think the Hitchiker's guide is funny, but I've never read it. I firmly deny all the rumors that vinnie the geek was ever in the marching band. And our flag girls were cuter than your cheerleaders!

**Dove of Night:** Hmmm…my lawyer uses names. But you are quite correct: I did not to define the 'plaintiff' and 'defendant' and 'corporation.' So glad to know that you are there to jump all over my shit should slip up, though…

**Angel Vanilla**: Oooh! All you camera-shy types are always hotties! Won't you send a pic to poor, poor pitiful me? Or I shall say 'nee'…

**Name Think I Forgot My, I:** Have it your way Dory. I'm pitiful…sob…but at least I'm funny, no? And you make fun of my pleas for loyalty? Meanie! Get up off your knees-I'm gonna get arrested…

**The new, improved Terra'Kagome'Logan:** Umm…real name-real mistake. What? You don't admire Julius Caesar? And you call me 'pee-wee?' Ha-shows what you know…

**J.Zink**: No need to run-someone told me it was just a cartoon…(Brain: Heh-heh!) I love military lingo-like 'working on his knees.' Hee hee! Yeah-I know what it means.

**Absentia**: We have a winner! World's longest review! I love you! …Ouch!… I mean, it.

**Saint H:** I did not call you a chick. I deliberately left it ambiguous! Do you have doubts? I notice your bio page does not mention your sex… (either that, or maybe I confused you with Sue H…)

**Skittles:** TMOS? What's that mean? Send me some of your goofy poetry…hey-if it doesn't cheer you up, at least someone will get a laugh…

**Rev Malcore**: Never!

**Sue H**: Thanks! Geeks need love too…Ow! Brain!… Hey, ramble on as long as you like! I love long reviews.

**TamAranianRaven:** This is FICTION… 'Catfish' is just a loving aside to Jim 'Catfish' Hunter, Hall-of-Fame pitcher for the A's and Yankees. RIP, Catfish…

**Martson:** Make up your mind(s)! Sorry-Raven says that she can't use you-you're too indecisive…

( Page break...FF Admin sucks...FF Admin sucks...)

Mr D or whoever you are.

Dude you are so going to be dead or something bad like that. Raven is really really really mad about the stuff you have bin saying about her or writing about her or writing to her. Or all of them. And im so not stuped like you write about me! I can be really smart when I want to be when its really really important. Like when Raven is really pissed like she is now cause of what you said and stuff I know that I better stay away from her far far away! Me and cyborg are ready to join the hive just to get away from Raven and to save our lives. She keeps blowing things up all over the place and she hates starfire and robin specially. What ever gave you the idea that it was cool to write all those things about her and me and cyborg and starfire and robin. Not cool! I know shes not telling you whats really happening around here since you wrote those storys. We gotta tiptoe around her room so that she doesn't come out all 4 eyes and kick our buts. She pretends that she don't care that much but she really wants to kill you real bad. Like by ripping your arms off and shoving them up your---. Dude cant you like write something really nice about her like where she doesn't do anything embarasing and she doesn't love anybody and so like she'll be better and not kill anyone? In real life, I mean. I mean kill anyone. You know what I mean.

Cyborg says hi you are real funny but you are real stupid or you have stones like his. His are made of titanium. I don't believe him. But he says that you should make sure that you change your name and go away and don't tell anyone ever. Cause shes gonna kill you when she gets mad enough. I think shes mad enough. Robins also getting pissed at you because starfire is acting weird now I mean even wierder than she is. And don't tell her that I send you this letter. Please! Raven, I mean. Starfire says hi and she wants to kiss me. Or you. I don't know she wants to smooch everybody. I think she likes you though. She says you and blackfire belong together or deserve each other or something like that. Shes real pretty but she is mean I don't think you deserve her. Oh I get it. Starfire doesn't like you, nevermind. Robin says if I write anymore storys hes gonna kick my ass but I didn't even finish one yet.. The other girls like you right? I mean the ones that don't want to kill you. If im a writer I can get a moped and a girlfreind maybe. Can I send you my storys and pretend like you write them? But another name on the story not yours. And not mine. Gotta go I think I hear screaming like raven is comeing.

Later, dude

B

Ps. I did not write this!

Really.

Cyborg did cause hes dumber.

( Page break...FF Admin sucks...FF Admin sucks...)

(Complimentary review goes here.)


	9. Do I not understand properly?

Hello. This is 'Brain.' Acke ran away screaming like a little girl...

'Brain's' Props:

**-**

**Lost Inside:** You have insulted my vessel-you shall die.

dob

**TamaranianRaven: **Vin thanks you for your support. Continue to review or die.

**-**

**J.Zink:** You are military-therefore we shall not insult you.

**-**

**TMoSkittles:** You may fool idiot Vin, but you do not fool me. Your acronym should be TMoS, not TMOS. You shall die for making a fool of my vessel.

**-**

**Angel Vanilla: **We do not to view pornographic pictures. Artful bikini shots are acceptable. Oh yes-Vin wishes me to send his thanks.

**-**

**Sue H: **Vin is obsessed with Raven. I am merely fascinated with her world-dominating powers...muahahaha! Oops. We find your reviews to be most amusing. Do not discontinue them-or die. Vin says thank you. The confusion with Saint H was Vin's idea of a joke. He is not very funny. He is lucky to be able to remember his name without my help.

To those who did not review: you shall all die horrible deaths.

The story begins immediately following the two dashes that shouldfollow this sentence. FF Admin's shall all die.

qop

qop

Dear friend Mr. Vincent Del Greco,

I am writing this letter to you because I am confused. I do not understand why my friends have been acting strangely since reading your stories about them.

I have read all of your stories, and I think they are wonderful! They are full of love and romance, which should make one feel nice-should it not? I am very flattered that you find me attractive (even though I blush when you talk about my naked body.)

I am given to understand that it is customary on Earth to write stories in which the characters engage in much sexual activity? I do not find this offensive, as on my planet it is quite common to have sex with strangers in order to properly introduce one's self, and to make a guest feel comfortable. I am different than most of my people, in that I am shy, and that is one reason I left Tamaran. As Princess, and especially as Queen (someday,) I would have to perform sex with many, many people as one of my official duties. I was so ashamed to be a freak.

Am I correct in assuming that on Earth, it is usual to claim to have much sex, while in reality being afraid to even talk to another person? Such as the way Cyborg and Beast Boy constantly brag about how many times they have 'made out,' but they run away whenever I wish to talk about the dating with them.

Robin will not even talk to me about us dating. He has explained to me how other people date, and Human mating rituals in some detail, but always referring to others. Whenever I try to apply my learning to our relationship he looks like he wants to run away 'screaming like a little girl,' as Cyborg puts it.

I am sorry. I seem to have removed the topic. I shall try to get back in line of thought.

Raven is angry with you because you wrote about her loving me. Why would she find that so upsetting? I find her most attractive, and would certainly return her feelings of love, if that pleased her. Does this mean that she does not like me, or maybe that she distrusts me?

And why would she be so mean to poor Beast Boy? He did not write the stories that she dislikes, and yet she seems sometimes to blame him for her own feelings of discomfort.

Is it possible that Raven is upset because she likes you, and has jealousies of the others in your stories? You should tell Raven if you love her, perhaps it will make things better.

It is all so confusing. I would be so grateful for any guidance you could provide!

Loving Trithlams,

Koriand'r of Tamaran, 'Starfire'

One more thing. Would you like a naked picture of me? I would be happy to send you one!

One more thing again. Beast Boy would like to know what rhymes with 'blue.'

Perhaps you could also explain to me why Cyborg looked at me writing this letter and fell on the floor laughing? And why Robin asked Cyborg why he was laughing, and Cyborg told him, and Robin looked ill, and ran away screaming like a little girl?

Thank you again, dear T'los Vincent,

Koriand'r of Tamaran-'Starfire'

pod

dop

This is where you press the button and submit an amusing review. Or die. 'Brain'


	10. Ouch! My booty!

Props, from someone who wishes to remain 'ambiguous,' so he won't get his ass beat:

**Visigoth29527:** How are things there in Iberia? And how do you expect me to let you get away with calling me 'mate,' when you're obviously not Aussie? Brain-sic him!

**Outlawarcher:** Have I inspired you to commit unspeakable acts on little children? I am shocked and asham...HAHAHAHAHAHA!

**A shadow in the dark:** Uhh, thanks? (Brain: Die!)

**Darkest Midnight:** Don't get all mushy on me. Oh-your 'homage'-I am truly flattered! Thank you. Oh-and I said OUR flag girls were hotter than YOUR CHEERLEADERS. Our Rah-Rahs were so incredibly hot that a step down to our flag girls is still way up there. And I spent the whole evening on our Senior field trip dancing with the Head Cheerleader! Nyah nyah!

**I think I forgot my name (I think I like it the best!):** Don't be a baby! What did I not answer you about? And maybe you don't deserve an answer, since you refuse to commit to being an everlastingly loyal reviewer! (Brain: _I_ love you...)

**Sue H:** Yes, you are quite amusing, my dear. (Brain: Get away, Slade!) Umm...a 'sadist' is one who derives _sexual_ pleasure from another's pain. You don't really think...where did I put my handcuffs...? Oh, and nice job! Yugi conjured some ancient egyptian-thingy that kicked my brain's ass! Well, not his ass, really. But I do feel sorry for Raven. I should stop writing these evil stories. You tell everybody that I quit...

**Terra Logan:** What happened to your other name(s)? Are you the same TL? Okay, where's my picture, huh?

**Angel Vanilla:** I think you've been watching too much of the Communist News Network...try Fox. Thank you, though. I've always enjoyed being called weird!

**Tamaranian Raven:** Servant, eh...? (Brain: Muahahaha!) Raven is angry at everyone, because they are amused by my stories, while Miss Roth is not.

**The lone psychopath:** Thank you...but you know I write romances too? LMFAO! Thanks for the props!

**Reverend Macore:** Hee hee! I passed the third grade! What the hell does 'yes and shoe' mean?

(...this is a page break which separated the props from the story...thank ff admin for this stupid pagebreak...)

Dear Mr. Del Greco,

What the heck was that all about? Does the term 'multiple personality disorder' mean anything to you? You change moods and viewpoints faster than BB changes his mind when he's confused.

More to the point: do you honestly believe that I am so gullible? Do you really expect me to buy into your lame, overly-dramatic apology? Or should I say your pitiful attempt to sweet talk me. You don't make a good effort at seeming sincere. That letter was so deep in BS that I had to get Cyborg to use his deep-penetrating radar to locate the piece of paper in that pile.

Let me let you in on a little secret-since you seem to be the only living being on this planet that does not know this-I hold grudges. But I don't get very angry-that's too dangerous. So I get even-_very_ even. To be truthful, that may not be accurate: getting 'even' with you would only entail humiliating you and making you miserable. Somehow, I don't think that I would be satisfied with just making you uncomfortable in your own skin. What do I have in mind? Perhaps it will come to you in a dream...

Oh, and I already know that Beast Boy and Starfire wrote letters to you. Don't even try to deny it. Just listen to me carefully. If you write back to them, you better be nice. They mean well and are just trying to preserve harmony among us. So be pleasant, be polite, or be dead. And know this: just because they want things calm and peaceful won't stop me from doing what must be done. Which may be unpleasant for you, but gratifying for me.

Look-people disappear all the time. I don't even need to involve myself personally. You remember my father, right? He has 'friends,' who do not reside in my mind. You wouldn't like my father's friends. I can guarantee it.

Robin is really starting to piss me off, and it's your fault. He doesn't understand why I am allowing myself to get so fired up about what he calls 'silly stories.' I'm seriously thinking about hurting him, but with a twist. I will drag your ass to the Tower, and beat him senseless using your beaten, bloody, broken body as a big whooping-stick. Sounds like fun, huh? Well, it does to me. I'm (almost) smiling right now, thinking about it...

Hmmm...is there anything else I wanted to say to you? Oh yeah.

Did you know that I am also skilled in the arts of Voodoo? Do you know how a Voodoo Doll works? I have one here that bears a remarkable resemblance to you, I'm told. I also hold in my other hand a hat pin. Are you sitting down? Not for much longer...

Afflictively Yours,

Raven Roth

P.S. I hope you can sleep on your side, heh heh.

(...yeah, this is another shitty pagebreak brought to you by the geniuses at ff admin...)

Review! The FF Admin has declared you must all review!


	11. Apology to Beast Guy

My Dear Friends and Readers,

I have had a epiphany, and must endeavor to set things right.

I owe all of you an apology: HVK, N.C. Pyschick, Dagger1211, golder emperor, themax, schizo and proud, Goldfishgal, Raven's Girlfriend, Darkest Midnight, Hekatie, Malcore Xan'thex, Sinistra250, TameranianRaven, Squeege779, DarkWindingRose, Simply CC, staticsponge123, XRR, Terra Logan, outlawarcher, KaiWren, dragonking112, iajdsfljefo, Angel Vanilla, gothic kid 13, xXxMidnightxXx, PlayFulKitty07, Snipe-Master-Hex, Lady of Faerie, Gaarasama, The Master of Skittles, Absentia, Visigoth29527, JulesFire, MisstressofAzarath, Azrial Saotome, RouJoumis, BeastWithin, DarkChild5, wsudragongal, artemisgirl, themax, Tears of a Phoenix, warprince2000, Isis Loveright, dannyspudge, d-Dei, liljimmyurine, sillymail, gosscliff, quite-a-shame, Dove of Night, Lost Inside, DarkSpades, Shadow290, Techna, Lessa-13-2004, and everyone else who has read or reviewed my stories.

The two times I have been reprimanded by this ff site have been with good reason, and I apologize for my use of offensive language, and deceitful use of fanfiction as a vessel for inappropriate social commentary.

I am truly sorry to all whom I have transgressed against, with my snide commentary, arrogant attitude, and crude sexual innuendos.

I am sorry for the comments written under the pseudonym of 'Brain,' whose use of threats and hurtful language is not funny.

I apologize to those whose names I have carelessly misspelled, or utilized without permission.

I apologize for penning self-serving 'props,' for the sole purpose of soliciting reviews.

I apologize for breaking up story lines with needless and gratuitous sexual encounters and violence.

I apologize for heedlessly rushing stories to publication without first having them beta read, in order to garner a following of readers.

(Polite Page Break)

(Polite Page Break)

Dear Mr. Beast Guy, (Maybe you can get Raven to call you that.)

I feel a strange compulsion to write back to you, very politely, and apologize profusely.

I think I finally get it. I'm going to make sure that any stories I write in the future will stay away from any tasteless sexual innuendo. And Raven's character will be treated with the utmost respect.

I also realize that I have been most unkind as concerns your character. Book-learning 'smarts' are not everything, witness myself. I am a miserable failure, and am reduced to writing second-rate fictional stories about a cartoon to feed my battered ego. I have been taking the path of least resistance, and going for easy laughs, by making crude jokes at the expense of you and your friends.

You exhibit a lot of common sense traits that I, (and some of your team-mates,) can learn from. You are brave, as you demonstrated by writing me a letter, knowing that Raven would disapprove. You are a good friend, and loyal to the team. You possess tremendous abilities, which you choose to use in the service of doing good in the world. You have better fashion sense than one (who shall remain unnamed.) All in all, a very impressive resume.

I am sorry for any grief I have caused you. I am sorry for not giving you the proper credit due a superhero of your caliber. I am sorry for insulting your friends, and causing discontent among the Teen Titans.

If you can find it in your big green heart to forgive me; please, please, put in a good word for me with your empathetic and multi talented team-mate Miss Roth. I will be forever indebted to you.

Please keep this to yourself. (I know I can trust you!) The reason I have been writing stories about the Teen Titans, elevating Raven above the other Titans, and placing her in ridiculous love-affair situations, is because of my own feelings for her. I know it is silly for me to profess love for one so unreachable, and that is why I write about her in preposterous situations.

The most preposterous of all would be the one in which she could return my feelings for her.

It is just a feeble attempt to bury my feelings of unrequited love for your incomparable team-mate.

One such as her: so beautiful; so talented; so intelligent; so worldly-wise; possessed of such immense, awful powers-she could never concern herself with one such as I. I know that were I to confess my feelings to her, I would only be accused of being obsessive, and a stalking-threat.

I shall continue to suffer in silence, and adore her from afar. If I write any stories, I will treat you all with the respect you have earned, and deserve.

Thank you for allowing me the privilege of corresponding with you. I know your time is valuable.

Your friend, and loyal fan,

Vincent

P.S. If there is anything I can do for you, just ask it. I will do all in my power to grant a favor to you, my gallant green friend.

(Polite End-of-Story-Notifier)

(Polite No-Begging-For-Reviews Insert)


	12. Advice and Apology to Miss Koriand'r of ...

Thank you all for your very kind expressions of support. You cannot possibly know what it means to me...

To my dearest DM: I am sorry to disappoint, but I am no longer in the business of insulting readers.

To someone whose name was mentioned in my last apology, and was apparantlyupset... I am sorry, it will not happen again.

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

(-story-)

Dearest Miss Koriand'r of Tamaran,

I cannot possibly convey all my feelings of regret and sorrow in one letter of apology to you. I have behaved in a way which displays many of the worst traits of humanity, and misled you. Please allow me to try and rectify my mistakes, and answer your questions honestly, to the best of my ability, as a scholar and student of psychology and anthropology. (I have a BS in Business Administration, I dropped out of pre-med school. I just don't want to be misunderstood.)

I will first address the 'strange' behavior of your friends. When something that is not true is written or said about another person, it is called 'gossip.' Gossip can make people behave strangely. The person who is the object of the gossip may be angry, because untruths have been told about him or her. She may be frustrated, because many who read the gossip will believe it, even when told that it contains falsehoods. My own religious beliefs condemn me to eternal damnation for spreading gossip, should I not be able to repair the damage and receive forgiveness from all who are wronged. Sniff.

'Once a lie is scattered in the wind, it can never be shoved completely back into the pillow.'

I am flattered that you find my stories entertaining, and I am glad that I have not offended you.

Sorry.

It is quite common for stories-of-entertainment to contain sexual situations and humor. Unfortunately, that does not make it a proper thing. Many people feel that sexual situations and sexual humor should be minimized in stories and movies, because on this planet all parents hope to raise children who will not be promiscuous. We have a large problem here with unintended pregnancies and single-parent children raised in poverty. For the good of our society, it is considered wise to encourage sex within stable, married relationships, and discourage casual sex. Your 'freakish' aberration is normal on Earth. This is not to judge your people's views on sexuality: it is just the way things are, here. I, myself, am ashamed for contributing to the further degradation of our civilization.

Raven is not angry with you, she is embarrassed. Lesbian relationships (sex between two women) on this planet are considered deviant. That is not to say that Lesbianism is wrong, but it is considered to be outside of the range of normal behavior. Many people are uncomfortable with the idea, or their religious beliefs forbid it. I am sure that Raven loves you, but not in that way. It is wrong of me to be fascinated with Lesbianism, and to write about non-original characters in such a manner.

It is quite normal for people on Earth, particularly young males, to brag about how many sexual experiences they have had. This is known as 'Machismo.' It is also commonly referred to as B.S. (Bullshit, or Barbara Streisand.) It is always true that those who brag the most have the least experience, or the tiniest toolkit.

Robin's problem with dating is complicated. He may be a homosexual, and does not wish to have a loving relationship with a woman (once again, not necessarily a 'wrong' thing.) He may be very inexperienced, and afraid to kiss you, fearing that he will not be 'good enough.' Or, he may be insecure, and feels that he is unworthy of one so beautiful, kind, and heroic as yourself. I don't think his fixation on Slade is the cause of his avoidance-behavior. I believe that the best way to handle this is to tell him you wish to kiss him, the next time you two are alone.

Raven is not upset with Beastboy for any reason connected with me or my stories-she is just angry at him for being himself. He is annoying. Sometimes. Okay-a lot. Don't misunderstand me, he means well. He tries to get Raven to show emotion, and she does not want to show emotion. This puts them at cross purposes. Even though I have nothing to do with this unfortunate state of affairs, I am sorry for the appearance that I may have contributed to their continuing animosity.

I am afraid that the chance of Raven being jealous of me is less than the chance that Beastboy has a PhD in Physics. (Sorry, BG) I cannot tell Raven that I love her. First, because I am scared to. Second, because she has threatened to hurt me, and I believe her. Also, I am a bad person, and I deserve to have my ass kicked.

I hope I have helped you understand the dynamics of the convoluted relationships that you have been observing among your friends. I only hope that you can forgive me for all the horrible things I have done to you and your friends. If you decide you want to help Raven kick my ass I will understand. I deserve no less.

Please do not send naked pictures of yourself to anyone. (You do not want to know why.)

Tell Beastboy that 'shoe' rhymes very nicely with 'blue.'

Cyborg laughed because he thought it funny that you would write a letter to me asking for advice, when I am the one who caused many of the problems which you wrote to me for advice on. Tell him that the letter you wrote me was intended as a joke-he will be impressed!

Robin ran screaming like a little girl because he is afraid to love you, because he feels unworthy of one so glorious as yourself, or because he thinks of you as a sister, and your feelings for him are inappropriate. Either way, he is scared to tell you, so you must confront him in no uncertain terms. I hope he does love you. You deserve much happiness. I deserve none.

Please do not tell any of this to Raven. I don't think she would appreciate it. She would kick my ass.

Your properly humiliated, and humble servant,

Vinnie

P.S. Please do not tell any of the others that I spoke any ill of them in this letter. I like and respect them all very much. I was only trying to be perfectly truthful and accurate, in order to advise you fully.

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

Please do not review. I do not deserve your kind attentions.

S


	13. Raven's 4th Letter

Ahhh! ...It's the return of the 'Props!'

**-**

**Darkest Midnight:** What? You have lost the ability to write an intelligent review, without my wisecracks? Oh-and jocks are dicks-rah-rahs are stuck-up-XXXXXes...Not Margaret, though...

**Outlawarcher:** Spongebob? Is that you?

**Visigoth:** Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Thank you for the sentiment, though. And yes, RavEast is RxBB.

**Rev. Malcore:** Hee hee...thanks for all the...hee hee...compliments. Not...funny...heeheeheehee...

**I think i forgot:** Thanks. You're so sweet. But that does not mean I will not insult you in the future.

**Dove of Night**: Are you trying to tell me something? Something not nice? (Brain: Can I kill her now?)

**Lost Inside:** So...sex is bad, but shit, damn, hell, piss, fuck, and ass are okay? Well, as long as I don't say fuck too fuckin' much, right? Fuckin' A! I can say fuck, as long as I don't fuckin' overdo it!

**Terra Logan:** Yes, someone did hit me on the head...but that has nothing to do with my writttttinefnggggg... Oh, so I'm not funny now, huh? Good thing you are! ( 'S' is my real first initial! 'BG' is 'Beast Guy.')

**Lady of Faerie: **Such a short and sweet, and yet complex review! (Ch. 11) Look to get 'Review of the Week,' on my bio page! I would say that I love you, but that would be wrong-right, Brain? (Brain: Ummm...No? Hee hee hee...)

**tmOs:** There! We are not alike! I would never call you 'Sir...' Hey! Are you calling us schizophrenic? (Brain: Who said that?)

**J.Zink:** You're all over this, ain't ya? Thanks. You da man!

**Feels-like-top-of-the-world: **

"kicks Vinnie's ass Aww! All better! Now leave me be or I'll get my husband to kick your ass worse."---- **What the hell was that!** (Brain: An ivitation to an orgy?)

**Tamaranian Raven: **Hee hee. Guess that's why I've been leaving out the disclaimer... Thanks! (But how do you know I don't _like_ pain?)

**the lone psychopath:** Hee hee-glad to see you get it... oh, yeah... ATTN: EVERYONE! **CHECK OUT PSYCHO'S STORY 'Teen Titans DO HAMLET!** I believe it to be worthy of your R & R...

Please be sure to check my bio page periodically-I have the 'Review of the week,' and a new feature...ta da! 'The Hall-of-Fame' writers! I will be listing the 'best of the best' writers whose work I have read here. If you know someone you think is worthy, give me a shout!

(Begin Story Here...)

Dear Vincent,

_-_

I am not quite sure what to say. I am almost at a loss for words. Not that I would allow such a trifle to stop me from writing to you.

Since you had not written me for a while, I naturally became suspicious-er-curious. 'Just what is that asshole Vincent Del Greco up to,' I thought? Or course, when I learned that you wrote letters to 'Beast Guy' and Koriand'r, I had no choice but to investigate. I assure you, I was only looking out for their best interests. Don't worry-you can still trust those two. They respected your wishes, and didn't mention a thing to me. Not until I noticed them both acting like happy idiots, and had a little talk with their unconscious minds while they slept...

Imagine my surprise that you had kept your word! You wrote two very considerate, thoughtful letters, and haven't posted any nasty stories about me lately. You almost seem...sincere. (Think I'm gonna hurl...)

Reading what you said about BB and Starfire...well, it felt...not nice, but almost the same kind offeeling, sort of...almost. Don't you dare read any more into that! ...or I _will_ kick your ass!

I also did a little detective work, too. I was almost impressed. _Almost_. You really do seem to be a responsible member of the human race, and not just a creepy pervert. So...writing fan fiction really is just a creative outlet? Or do you actually have an evil alter-ego? Sigh...nevermind...I'm just glad to find out that you seem to be a normal guy.

Perhaps we should talk about some story ideas. You aren't the worst writer I have ever seen, and with a bit of guidance maybe you could write things which both entertain and serve a useful purpose. And that won't piss me off...

Hmmm... I really hate to leave you without a threat. Let's just say that I will be watching you...closely!

Sincerely,

Raven Roth

P.S. Don't think I am going soft. You are still on my I-just-need-a-small-excuse-to-kick-his-ass shitlist! ...but that list does include almost everyone...Damn it Starfire! Get out of my head!

( This is where I would normally insert a cloying plea for reviews...but...aw, what the hell! Please review, or I will leave you hanging, and not finish the outstanding, twisted ending of this saga of sanctimoniousness!)


	14. YoDee!

Props!

**Terra Logan**: How can I be funny without big words? And see-you just expanded your vocabulary! You're welcome.

**J.Zink:** Umm…not coming to a close. Not yet…

**TR, oh-I mean Starfire:** I do not like pain! That was a joke! (Brain: Hurt him, he likes it.) They call you that cause you're a redhead, or-or-or…umm, nevermind… And I thought we already established that we are not real. That's right, istn't it?

**Visigoth29527:** Hee hee-we have the same problem. I mean, I do! A set up? You don't trust me? Don't listen to him Rae!

**Darkest Midnight:** Reviews never suck. Yours do not suck. I do not suck. (Brain: That is one opinion...) Margaret was the sweet, gorgeous, head Rah-Rah! You weren't listening… (Brain: She's not the only one...)

**Schizo and proud:** Which one of you doubts that Raven loves me? Oops… I like that-'Letter dominitrix,' scrivenetrix? Hee hee…

**Artemisgirl:** I know you fell for it! Ha Ha! Accounting, accounting…do I recall a story by that name?

**Lady of Faerie:** So glad someone thought this was funny! Yes, 'Brain says the things I cannot. I like Starfire-esque! So cute! Oh, yes-we are normal…well, good at appearing normal, anyway…

**Rev Malcore**: Cool! Someone liked my vocabulary word! My brain melted too, but I discovered that no one has noticed the difference…

**ETNIEGIRL711:** What does your name mean? Thank you, and please return for more props…hopefully I will be able to insult you properly in the future. Wouldn't want you to feel left out...

**I think, I forgot:** Aww…now you want special treatment? Just cause you are 'loyal?' (Brain: I'll give her 'special'…hee hee…)

To the rest of you…'Brain'…(Grrrrrr!)

(…This is the page break that FF admin can't stop me from using!… )

(…This is the page break that FF admin can't stop me from using!… )

(…Insert hilarious letter here….)

Yo Vin,

What's up with you and dark girl, man? What exactly did you throw at her? Rae's always been different, but she's acting all wack since last week.

You know what she did yesterday morning? She spotted BB in the kitchen, cooking his sawdust fake-food crap. She goes up to him and says "good morning, BB!" What's with that?

Then she goes to get hot water for her tea. She sees that green's already put it on for her. She looks over at him, and tells him thanks. And then she tells him that was "nice" of him to think of her!

So she gets her tea. Then she comes and sits on the couch next to me. She asks me what I'm doing. I tell her that I'm practicin the latest game so I can thrash little. Raven says "do you want me to play?" Uh-huh.

Later on in the day, she comes by lookin for Robin. I tell her that the bird is in the gym-where else? Didn't hear nothin for a couple hours. Then leader-boy comes by after his shower. I asked him what Raven was up to. He says that she sparred with him for an hour and a half. Said she wanted to work on sharpening her skills, like Robin's always tryin to get her to do.

After dinner, Rob and Star are goin to the movies. You know how Rob is, always tryin to include everyone; you know-the 'team' thing? So he askes Rae if she wants to go. Not gonna happen, right? You shoulda seen dude's face when she says yes, without even askin what's playin. Starfire goes to strangle her, cause she's so happy that Raven is goin with. Raven didn't yell or zap her, or even make nasty comments. She even kinda patted Star's shoulders, being friendly, like she didn't mind.

Think that's enough? Then she comes over to where me an B are goin at it, and asks the little grass-stain if he wants to go! I had to help her get him off the floor.

So Beastie says "gee, Raven-today is like the nicest you've ever been to me. What's going on? Next you're gonna tell me that you think my jokes are funny!" He looks at Rae, waiting for her to slap him down or something.

Rae looks at him and gives him one of those crooked little kinda-smiles, and says "well, yeah-sometimes you are pretty funny, Beastboy." And covers her mouth, like to make sure she doesn't laugh.

When they get back, fuzzball can't wait to give me the lowdown. Raven bought for everyone! Raven _never_ buys for everyone!

This morning I come downstairs to start breakfast. Raven is in the kitchen cooking. Rae _don't do_ the cooking thing. She tells me to take it easy-she's got everything covered. I asked her if she's makin real food, and she smiles at me and says "yeah, and I'm making some Tofu for BB." Shee-I was expecting her to start whistling while she works!

Man, whatever you got, I need some! Fuzzy dude would probably pay you good for it.

It sure is weird, though…

Later man,

Cy

(…This is the page break that FF admin can't stop me from using!… )

(…This is the page break that FF admin can't stop me from using!… )

This is the order from Vin to review. If you don't, I will write lame poetry!


	15. Go away pweeze? Thks, Ter Logan!

Salutations, dear readers! Sorry I have been lax, but I have been crying over the miserable lack of reviews for 'The Accounting.' For those of you that did R&R that-I cannot thank you enough! So I will not try, and instead will proceed straight to the amusing, amazing, astounding, all-encompassing, altruistic, arcane...

Shout outs! (Otherwise known as:)

**'Vinnie's Props!'**

**schizo and proud:** Oops-sorry! Did I do that? I didn't mean for you to take me seriously. (Brain: Yes you did, dillweed.) I hope that goes away soon. (Brain: Hope you go away soon.) Not you, s & p-he's talking about me...I mean, I'm talking about me. (Brain: Talking is not your strong point...)

**artemisgirl:** Must you do that? The coughing, I mean. coughmiscreantcough Not nice to play spoiler... (Brain: Kick her ass.) And after I put you in my HOF...

**Dove of Night:** Makes my day...makes my day... Wow. I feel priviledged when a reviewer signs with a name other than her pen name...even if it is not her real name. (Brain: You don't even know your real name, nitwit.)

**Visigoth29527:** Hmm...a twist I hadn't considered. I think I'll steal it-thanks! (Brain: Don't worry-he can't find his ass with both hands...)

**Terra Logan:** Ha! The 'pweze' didn't work this time! Perhaps because you spelled it with only one 'e?' (Brain: Nice comeback, Vin...moron.)

**Lady of Faerie:** Sorry. I will make it up to you. But I am still smiling like an idiot from the Starfire pouty-face. (Brain: He always looks like that.) How come no one likes poetry? (Brain: _Your_ poetry, dude.)

**The forgotten:** Serious...you? Bwahahahahahahah! (Brain: She's not buying it.) No really-I forgot what I was going to say...

**Darkest Midnight:** Thank you, my dear. The head Rah-rahs are the meanest. Just shows how debonair I was... (Brain: Gonna hurl...)

**Trigon the Terrible:** Uhhh...sorry? No! Not sorry! I will do what I want with my story, when I want, how I want, where I want...uh, yeah. (Brain: I assure you, we _will_ piss off Raven...) Nuh-uh! My lord, you have definitely earned a 'review of the week.' Check my bio page. I will deliver the praise you are so rightly entitled to. (Brain: Kiss ass! That won't work, when he finds out...)

**the lone psychopath:** You is welcomed! Crack...hee hee...she said 'crack.' (Brain: He is so easily amused...)

**2lazy2register:** I would never dream of mocking a dear, sweet reader such as yourself! (Brain: What? You're too lazy to register, but not to write a review?) And yes, I will. No, I won't. Well, maybe.

**J.Zink:** Confused? You? Naw, that's just a normal reaction to my lunacy. You'll get over it. (Brain: I think you're missing the point, Vin...)

**Miss Kali Donovan:** Ooh! You are a clever one! (Brain: To you, dust bunnies are clever.) Hey-you can say _anything _in the reviews and get away with it! See-I can say shit, damn, fuck, ass, prick...I can even say shitfuck! Hee hee. Oopsie-was that crude? Crap... Oh, hey-who's Alle? (Brain: Just take your medicine, buttmunch.) Damn! I think I have a tie for 'review of the week, now.' Well, just have to post both. Check my bio page for your review posting! Oh, hey-do you have a picture you could send me... (Brain: Sigh...he never quits trying...)

To those who read without reviewing: Let me introduce you to 'Trigon the Terrible...'

( I made my own page break...yeah, yeah, yeah...)

(Insert hilarious 'letter' below this line...)

Dear Mr. Del Greco,

I really don't know what to say. Ummm...what's going on? First Raven is angry, then she's conciliatory and resigned to her fate, then she's acting strangely out of character. By out of character, I mean that she almost seems to be...uh...happy? By strange, I mean: we're talking _Raven_ here. You know-child of darkness, spawn of a demon. Raven isn't normally pleasant for more than 30 seconds at a time. When she's in a really good mood.

Who am I kidding? She's not normally anything. Nothing casual, boring or everyday about that girl. Maybe she's been talking to her emotions again. Maybe she's been talking to a new... OMG! That can't be...can it?

Oh yeah...I know about the little 'excursion' that BB and Cy took into Rae's head. Beastboy can't keep a secret to save his life. Especially from one trained in the fine points of interrogation by a certain caped crusader...

This is really cramping my style. It's hard enough to keep my team focused and dedicated under the best circumstances. With all the disruption caused by your 'correspondance' with my team mates, it has become a real challenge to maintain a semblance of discipline around the tower these days.

Not that I don't respond well to challenges, mind you. I love a good challenge. It's just that...well...frankly, I'm not the most experienced person in the world, when it comes to this sort of thing. You know, like what's going on with you and Raven. Like, 'correspondance.' Err...'special' correspondance.

I don't have to say it, do I! You know-like what Starfire kinda means to...I mean, what I think that I may sometimes, in a non-(you-know-what) kind of way, mean to Starfire... You know, from her point of view. Which has nothing to with any feelings I may or may not have for her or anyone. Not that I would presume to know anything about Starfire that isn't common knowledge. Well, anyway, what I am trying to say is that...erm...ahhh...darn it! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

What were you thinking? Do you know how hard it is to be me, with a confused...Starfire, and a terrified Beastboy, and a loony Raven on my hands? Not to mention that pompous, self-important... Nevermind. How would you know?

I'll tell you. I am going freaking nuts!

Do me a favor. Go away, please. Just leave me and my team alone, so I can get back to something resembling a life.

No more smarmy, condescending remarks about us. No more pandering to the base instincts of your readers. No more fantastic romances. No more smarty pants 'props.' (Geez I hate those.)

And lay off my outfit! You try to come up with an original look in the crowded superhero market. Come on-you know the mask is cool...you know you want it. And the cool belt full of exploding toys... And the cape, man. Chicks really dig the cape.

Hey-if you promise to stop messing with my life I'll send you a mask and a cape. Think about it. You could call yourself 'The Scribe.' Pretty good, huh? Thought of it myself, just now.

Gotta go. Beastboy is cooking some tofu-crud for the lavender la-la...she'll be down any minute.

Please help me, and go away!

Mask...cape...go away...

Thanks man,

Robin, 'The Boy Wonder'

P.S. You and Raven-no way. Do you even _have_ any super powers? Do you know what she could do to you? I shudder to think of it...

(This is a page break I thought up all by myself!)

Ummm...do I have to say it? (Brain: Bottom left corner, square button.)


	16. Raven on crack? Thks, tl psycho!

Nooooooo! Not more props!

Oh, yeah.

* * *

**Lady of Faerie:** Thanks for the backup! Robbie is such a weenie. Don't worry-I shall certainly fuck with him more. Oh-and dark back at ya! (Brain: Of all the lame...) 

**Schizo and proud:** Wow! You dislike the 'stupid black haired monkey freak' even more than I do! Or is that the other who hates him? (Brain: Read it again, idiot.)

**Visigoth:** Do I need permission to rip off ideas? Muahahahaha! Hee hee-he said 'carnage.' (Brain: Oooh-now I'm sooo scared...)

**Rev. Xan'Thex:** Or 'lame boy syndrome.' Hee hee. Or 'last bitch standing.' Hee hee. (Brain: Shut up, and let's kill him already.)

**Saint H:** Oh, yeah. I remember better than you may imagine. I just finished my college degree 2 years ago. Hmmm...I take it you like Wondebread's outfit? (Brain: He's wearing it at this moment...)

**A PERSON!** Thanks! You rock hard! (Brain: Vinnie's head rock hard.)

**Kali:** Asshole? Asshole-moi? Jeez, I was just trying to write something amusing here... (Brain: He is an asshole, and a bad liar.) 'Bad Robin, no explosives...' Hee hee hee! Daa!

**Shekron Kaisar:** I will get to it. Raven gets 'it' a lot? I didn't know...

**Darkest Midnight:** Hey-your reviews don't ever you-know-what! Hee hee hee. Perhaps I can confuse you some more, before this is over.

**Tameranian Raven:** Tch! Better listen to your mom. (Brain: Yeah-look what it did for you...) Yeah-I knew Robin was good for something, but you put it very succinctly!

**2Lazy2writeyourwholenameright:** Lame excuse...we know you just don't want to be identified, because you probably write love poems to Robbie-pooh on fanfic. Handle the last few chapters right? Last few? This could go on indefinately... (Brain: Oh-kill me now!)

**the lone psychopath:** Robbie-pooh on crack? Hmmm...maybe that's why he is so hyper and obsessive...

**I think I forgot my name:** You have read other stories of mine and not reviewed/death-glare/ (Brain: He still doesn't get it...)

**Terra Logan:** Sew sawwy! I fawgot 'pweeze' was youw word. Pweeze fawgive me!

**Notice to all: The word 'Pweeze' is the intellectual property of Terra Logan, and is used here without her permission. But I hereby apologize for not giving her proper credit for last chapter's title.

* * *

**

Begin 'Letter' (Ooooh! Cooliolio page breaks! Thanks sooooooooo much, ff admin!)

* * *

Dear Vin, 

I am getting the horrible feeling that the mitigation of my hate for you is being misinterpreted by you and others as something other than what it is.

Do you really imagine that I could have have _feelings_ for you? _Those_ kind of feelings? I almost have to laugh. I can understand my adolescent friends titillating each other with rumors of my alleged attraction to a fanfiction author four times my age. Amusing. But you? I thought that, at the least, _you_ were an intelligent adult. Was I wrong? About either; both?

Let me explain, for the benefit of all concerned with prying into my private life. You know that I am half demon, and my destiny is to destroy your world. That disaster could occur sooner if I allow my feelings to run out of control. This is the part where you come in. Were I to allow my full hatred of you to gain broad expression...poof; no more Earth.

I have spent a great deal of time meditating and delving into my subconscious mind to alleviate the pain I feel when I contemplate your existance. It would be much simpler to kill you, but Robbie-the-pooh would banish me from the Titans. The only option is to convince my emotions that my hatred for you is really suppressed _arghhhh!_ feelings of attraction.

Twisted, yes. But understand-it is the only way I can avoid either your death, or the death of your world. _We have spent a great deal of time contemplating the manner of your death._

It is agonizingly difficult to even write this letter to you. I had to dictate it under the influence of self-hypnosis, in order to overcome the implanted suggestion which allows me to function without being obsessed with your horrible, painful, slow, demise. _Does she not love the evil one?_

Thank heaven I have a therapist who is fully appreciative of the gravity of my situation. He says it will be easier, with time, to control these false feelings of attraction than it would be to deal with the truth. _Shut up! Liar!_ Now, if only he could help you with your delusions. _It is not yet complete. We must hold out for a little while longer..._

Dr. Slade says I am doing well. My aura is become more blue and less red. If only my friends were not such idiots. _Useful idiots.._

Please, for your own good, and for the good of the world, leave me alone. _Noooo! _Leave my friends alone. Don't you understand? You could bring about the destruction of all that you know and hold dear. _Soon it shall be done_.

_We are one; we are strong; we are the Raven._ Please don't make this harder than it already is on me. _Do not slacken your efforts._ Don't make me have to express false feelings of affection for you. _She wishes it to be so._ Remember, even if I say that I like you, I really hate you. That's right... I could never have feelings for one for whom my true feelings are only of revulsion. _Poor dear, we are so confused_.

I hate you so much. ...that I have transmogrified those feelings into love. _Obsessive, all-consuming love..._

Yours truly, _for evermore..._

Raven Roth

P.S. Please stop writing me back! ..._Come to me..._

* * *

Begin beggin' for reviews here.

* * *

And don't forget to check my bio page for 'Review of the week' and 'Vinnie's Fanfiction Hall of Fame!' 


	17. page break!

Shoutouts!

**J.Zink**: Speechless, eh? _Shutup! I am not crazy!_

**Darkest Midnight:** Ha! You cannot confuse me! But it sure pisses me off when someone starts with the silly rhyming taunts. How dare you! (Do you really think she'll go out with me?) Ditto…

**Schizo and proud:** Hee hee…she likes my 'brain.' That's how it always starts. Then they find out about my 'package,' and the whole 'brain' thing is completely forgotten about… (Brain: He keeps getting 'baggage' confused with 'package.')

**Visigoth:** Oops… Thanks for the heads up. I fixed the lack of italics. Stupid ffdotnet! Erased my brackets. I'm not sure if we have a skull match here, or if Miss Raven is just playing with my head, in which case, no skull is involved…

**T.R.:** Oh dear! Did I confuse you, too? Succinct means precise using few words. Nice, huh? Hey, don't sweat it-even the great Vin uses a thesaurus. (Brain: Yeah-amazing he knows how…)

**Kali Donovan:** I am on your 'face' author's list! Wow! You are the only one who knows my secret identity, much less knows where to get a picture of me! And cut that out! I am not an asshole! I am a very nice person! I would never really ask for a picture of you, unless you were not wearing any-Ouch! Shit, Brain! Damn! That one really hurt! (Brain: Hee hee-he said 'shitbrain.')

**Lady of Faerie:** Nooooo! Not the SFPF again! No, I don't think it is intelligence, but I like the way you think. (Brain: He likes that you _can_ think…)

**I think I forgot my name:** You would do that for me? Wow, that is so useful to know… I mean so nice of you to say! Get started! (Brain: He's just kidding…I think…)

**Terra Logan:** Aww. Sorry I confused you. (Brain: He's not!) Tell me where it hurts… I mean what confuses you. Your welcome! Anything for a faithful reviewer!

**Chitoryu:** No, I am not a lawyer. But if you need legal advice, just tell me your problem, and send your name, number, picture, credit card…

**The lone psychopath:** She tried, but I am too clever for her! (Brain: It wasn't Anthrax. It wasn't even from Raven. It was from a kid. Written in crayon.)

**2Lazy2Register:** Necessary? Hardly. I am quite sane, I assure you! (Brain: Someone assure me!) You spell pretty well for someone with 'spelling issues.' It's good your parents supervise you. Look what happens when they don't. (Brain: He's got a point there-on his head!)

**Saint H:** Ahhhhhh….Ummmmm…Errrrrrrrr… Besides the fact that I don't understand what the fuck you are talking about…you really are scaring me. Horny Raven? Boner? Whose stories have you been reading? (Brain: Even I am confused.)

A Raven's Shadow: Thank you! You flatter me too much. (Brain: Not!) Just so you know-I do know that her 'real' name is Raven Roth. Author's license. And it's not as if the CN series doesn't play fast and loose with the comic book storyline…

**To the rest of you: Where the hell are your reviews?**

* * *

( I will not use any more page breaks that I make up myself, like this, because of unnamed peoples protestations.) 

(Brain: coughgamer17cough..)

* * *

Dearest Raven, 

Words cannot describe how sorry I am to find out that you truly despise my existance. I thought we had a good thing going. Between your beauty, strength, brains, youth, and my, um, my experience, there is no limit to what we could accomplish together!

Is it perhaps a possibility that the idea that your affection towards me is just a construct to cover your true hatred for me is, in itself, an implanted suggestion? In which case, your positive feelings for me are concealed by feelings of love, which are in turn a subconcious suggestion to hide your feelings of hate, which cover your feelings of genuine affection.

It is rather an odd coincidence that your therapist's name is Doctor Slade, is it not? Have you talked to Robin or Cyborg about that? Have you done any meditating on the subject? Is it possible that 'Doctor' Slade, and Slade Wilson, a.k.a. 'Deathstroke,' the sworn enemy of all mankind, and in particular the Teen Titans, especially Robin, are one and the same person? You remember-the guy that killed turned Terra against you, and killed her, and is always trying to kill you? The guy you thought was dead, but came back on your birthday to mark you as the instrument of the world's destruction, at the request of 'Mr. S.?'

Or is the name just a really extraoridinary coincidence? Funny how that can work!

Look, if you are really intent on killing or maiming me, would you just make up your mind and get it over with in an efficient manner? I tire of tring to figure you out. I have more important things to do, really. I still have to finish a story with you and the green guy. Don't worry-it's a nice story. I am also trying to write a humorous manuscript which will someday be a publishe novel, I hope. It does not concern you, in case you were wondering.

You and your friends are not the only thing that occupies my waking moments, you know. I write fiction about you in an attempt to 'practice' for my real purpose of penning a novel which will make me famous and wealthy. You could come along for the ride…

In any case, I really think you should have a talk with Beastboy about this whole 'Doctor Slade' thing. Starfire wouldn't understand, and would probably blab to Robin. Cyborg would probably blab to Robin. I would probably get my ass kicked. Titans East members? See 'blab to Robin.' Beastboy is just trusting enough to keep it to himself and yet he may be able to help you. If nothing else, he would surely be sympathetic to your plight, and willing to listen. If you don't scare the holy bejeezus out of him.

Relax. Take a deep breath, and talk to BB. I'm sure he will be delighted to spend some quality time with you. Not in your room, though.

Let me know how things work out. I would really still like to get together with you and discuss some story ideas.

If things really work out well, I would love to take you out for an evening of dinner and a movie. But that can wait. Your mental health is most important, seeing how my life, and the whole world's continued existance depends upon it.

Although I don't understand what all those demons want with a barren lifeless Earth anyway? If all the people are turned to stone, who will they torment? Seems like an awfully dull time-an amusement park for demons with no rides…

Cheers!

V.D.

P.S. How are you doing with that morning sickness? …oops…

* * *

( HA HA! I lied! Page break insulting to ffdotnet admin.)

(Brain: Please! Just review, and he'll shut up!)


	18. My Bad!

PropS:

**Shekron Kaisar:** Good idea. (Got another one of those for me?)

**schizo and proud:** Ha ha ha ha-you always say that... (Brain: Hi Jolia!) Idiot Brain believes in imaginary alter-egos. (Brain: I know just how you feel...)

**Lady of Faerie:** What the hell does your being Canadian have to do with my 'experience'? (Other than your spelling of 'Fairy...') Yeah, I'm pretty sure I will never write anything 1/2 million pages in length. THAT'S the SFPF? I thought you always looked like that!

**T R:** (Not my favorite President.) Hey! Don't tell anybody I am a RavEast shipper-I will lose loyal reviewers! (Brain: Like you have any?) Cookie for you!

**I Don't Have A Problem:** I am not mean to Raven! I am obsessed with her...er-I mean she is my favorite character. Of course I made all that stuff up! Surely no one would admit to being that stupid...unless that makes you hot for me...

**2Lazy2Register:** Don't try to understand them now-it will just hurt your brain. (Brain: I concur; and yes, you did butcher Psychoanalyzing.) Please continue to R&R other stories (of mine.) You shall be rewarded, I assure you!

**I Don't... (again**.): Thanks for the reviews! (Brain: Perhaps I will now spare her...) Keep choking...I mean laughing!

**TRIGON:** Nice! (Brain: I like him!) Well, I hope you're happy now. (Brain: Another killer review! He's jealous of your superior comedic skills.)

**Nightlark:** Not baiting me, eh? (Brain: You dare tell us to 'shut up'? Nice! A brave one. Yes, readers are generally stupid-like my vessel, 'Vin'.) Thanks, though! (Brain: Say-you're easily amused, aren't you?)

**that little voice in your head:** (Brain: Duh! I AM 12 plus! Otherwise I would be less than 12.) Be nice to the reviewer, Brain. She said she was properly awed by you. (Brain: He's such a suck-up.) Hee hee! You can't escape the smartass remarks!

**Visigoth:** Ha ha ha! You should try writing some humor, that was pretty funny... (Brain: Spelling errors?) I hope you were not ridiculing the idea of my writing a novel! (Brain: I especially liked the 'I ate his liver...'! Amusing, for a vessel.)

**the lone psychopath:** Flaming Dog Poo! Get it right! No (evil) shipper fic here... (Brain: Evil, yes: shipper-fic, no...) Here, have a nice flaming-uh-cookie...

**D M:** Thank you, Dark! Oh-and thanks for the warning to stay away from Boston! (Brain: As if I would ever be caught dead there anyway...) (Brain's a Yankees fan too, he was born in NYC.)

**Raven 92:** Sure, I'll shut up-but how you gonna shut down Brain? Robin Bashing? Me? I don't hate Robin at all! He is an interesting character. (Brain: ...to make fun of...) Please read my story 'Solace in Shadows,' if you doubt that I can write nicely about Robbie-Pooh...oops-I mean Robin!

**Kali Donovan:** Thank you for removing the 'asshole' sticker from my forehead! (Brain: Wuss!) Hee hee-she said 'Rap is Crap that you can't 'C'...'. (Brain: You find it amusing to insult me? Just wait until I find another vessel...) Daa!

**Saint H:** 'Textual Crack?' (Brain: Leave it alone-this one may be dangerous...) Heh heh-no prob, dude! I'll give you a piece of...OW! Damn wussie Brain!

**T L:** Huh? What scary images? (Brain: You need to draw him a picture...in crayon...) Here, have a cookie to calm you down.

* * *

The following is an abridged article from the Jump City Times:

* * *

THE END OF THE WORLD ?

Widespread panic and looting erupted in the Rolling Knolls area of JumpCity. The lawlessness quickly spread to most of the metro area. Police and Fire officials were unavailable for comment.

A spokesperson for the Mayor's office claims that all public safety personnel were involved in trying to contain the eruption of civil disobedience.

First hand accounts have witnesses describing sinister black 'funnel-shaped' clouds, lightning, and a huge demonic apparition. Other reports of people being 'frozen,' or turned to stone remain unsubstantiated at this time.

Rumors abound that the initial source of the disturbance was the result of unproven allegations that Raven, of the Teen Titans, is pregnant. No one was able to cite the source of these allegations, nor was this paper able to reach a member of the Titans for comment.

The whereabouts of Miss Raven are not known.

Meteorologists were unable to explain the causes of the unusual atmospheric phenomena. They speculated that the cause may be 'thermals,' the same powerful updrafts which cause airliners to experience the phenomenon known as 'clear air turbulence.'

The Mayor's office has not yet declared martial law as of the publication deadline, but anonymous sources tell us that the affirmative decision will be forthcoming shortly.

Citizens are advised to conserve fuel and water, stay in their homes, and keep small children away from windows. Also, people are cautioned to disregard the strange behavior of animals, and do not open your door for someone named 'Trigon.'

* * *

end of newspaper excerpt

* * *

Uhhhh... Sorry, my bad...

(The 'morning-sickness bit was supposed to be a joke. Heh heh-I guess it wasn't too funny...)

Vincent

P.S. Sorry again!

P.P.S. Really, really, sorry!

P.P.P.S. Really!

* * *

Review, and I will tell a funny joke!


	19. Egglayer!

Right. PropsS:

* * *

**Sluggo:** Evil, yes. But I do love Raven!

**Dreamsage:** NiceReviewstriinging allthe misspelledwordstogetherwithno punctualtion/Your rightIdon't care whatsomeonethinksif they can'tsigninand writeproperly!

**Christina Ross: **Thank you! Hope your back feels better. (Brain: I'll rub it for you…)

**Nightlark**: I would never tell! Thanks!

**That little voice**…: Huh? Lost me there… Raven is back-it's all good.

**Saint H:** Nice review! Funny. In the running for RotW! But when did I give the impression that I disliked my chapter? Perhaps you mistook some humorous aside…

**AstaOmega11: **Bang-you're dead! Well, that takes care of that… Hey! Raven is my favorite, and I have immeasurable respect for her magnificosity! So-phtttpt!

**Kali:** Who funny? Me funny! And now you funny, too!

**Rev. Malcore:** Yes, we just don't want the little children to be scarred for life. There was some other, funny reason for that line, but I forget…

**TL: **Okay… Wedding night… Guy takes off shoes. Wife says: "Ewww-what's with your ugly toes?" He says "I had Toelio as a child." He takes off his pants. She says "Ewww-what's with your knees?" He says "I had Kneesles." He takes off his shorts. She looks him up and down, fold her arms, says "Yeah-I can see you also had a bad case of Smallcox…"

**Ladae uv Faerea:** It's okay-I still like you, even though you're Canadian. No, I haven't seen 'the end,' I made it up all by myself! Ooooh…watch out for that little 'friend' you've picked up there….

**DM:** Yes, some are more amusing than others, but you are always there, and always say nice and/or funny things, or clever insults. SO you are still one of my all-time favorite reviewers! (Brain: What a brown nose.)

**Schizo and proud:** Jolia is reall getting frisky…I love it! Brain-do it! (Brain: Okay, Jolia has now switched personalities with S&P. Is that better?) Somehow, I don't think that's what she had in mind, Brain. (Brain: Yes-but this will be funnier!)

**Shekron Kaisar:** Thanks for the tip. Are the Minnie Mouse ones okay?

* * *

In the smouldering ruins of Titan's Tower…

* * *

"Aw, man-I'm not gonna be able to find the T-car for days…"

"Dude-what happened? Is Raven pissed off at that Vinnie-dude again?"

"Er-I think someone should check on Raven…see if she's alright…)

"No way dude! You go see if she's still mad enough to destroy the whole world!"

"Don't look at me, man. Lil' sista needs some serious time alone, I think…)

"Choose me, Robin! I am most concerned about Raven's condition. I shall inquire as to her feelings of health."

"Brave girl…that's my Starfire."

"Why don't you go, leaderboy? Send me, or Star, or BB…what's wrong with you?"

"Yeah! How come you're too chicken? Cluck-cluck-Buckkkawww! (Flap flap flap.)

"Yes, Robin. Why do you not wish to find out the state of Raven's health in person? And why does Beastboy taunt you with the flightless domesticated egg-laying Earth bird-dinosaur?"

"Mumblemumblemumble…"

"Oh yes…why are you the 'Chicken'?"

"Uh…er…my mask is damaged. I need to find a new mask before I can do anything else. Gotta protect the secret identity, you know?"

* * *

"Azarath, Metrion, Vinthos… Aghhh!

* * *

"Raven? I hope I am not disturbing you, friend. I would knock, but I am afraid I do not know where your door is."

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…fine Star…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…no, not disturbing me…Azarath, Metrion…uh…you guys okay?"

"No one is badly damaged. That is, if you do not count the citizens of Jump City… We are fine."

"Uh-sorry…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

"You are not still upset at the author Vincent?"

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…gack…na, na, non. Nein, not…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos, Zinthos, Zinthos…glurk…"

"Do you wish to talk about your most destructive outburst? Or do you wish to meditate more, and play the Ostrich-Bird? Or do you wish me to leave now, before I am threatened with a horrible death?

"…Metrion, Zinthos…stay…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…die if you like…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…all die…you…stay…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

"I shall tell Robin that you are fine…"

* * *

Review! Shekron Kaiser commands it! (Name used without permission.) (Brain: It is spelled correctly here, though…) 


	20. The Meeting

_Props:_

**Lady of Faerie:** Ooh-that must hurt! (Brain: I'll give her hurt!) Don't worry, Brain is safely restrained. (Brain: Famous last words…)

**Nightlark**: Starfire is not stupid, just charmingly naïve. (Brain: Yeah-Vin is stupid.) Thank you, your reviews are amusing. (Brain: Careful how you interpret that.)

**TL:** Thank you! Anything for a longtime, loyal reviewer. (Brain: He means fangirl.)

**Schizo and proud:** You seem to have started a trend…I am picking up a whole network of reviewers with multiple personalities. (Brain: I started it!) Cool! Japan? You went to Japan and did not invite me? (Brain: Obviously smarter than the average reviewer…)

Pr**incess Dark Raven:** Hi, and welcome! Weird? Didn't get ch. 2? (Brain: Her name means nothing, Vin…) Let's see-Cyborg laughed at Robin's predicament. (He's a weenie.) (Brain: Annoying, but funny…what does that say about you?) What? No more reviews?

**Visigoth:** Ahh…you never dissapoint. (Brain: Too bad he's not a chick!)

**Kali D.** : Plot? I did not intend to burden this hodge-podge mess with a plot…but so be it. (Brain: He'll keep writing this crap as long as peolple read it, apparantly.)

**Shekron:** Your all-powerful alter-ego, of course! (Brain is very admiring of him…) Nice, nice-'kick me sign…with a point scoring system.' Thank you for the IC compliment!

**Christina Ross:** Glad you feel better! (Brain: Are you sure you don't hurt somewhere else?) You are so sweet that I can't even insult you! (Brain: But I can, and will…)

**2Lazy2Register:** Hee hee. Thank you! I love making people laugh so hard that they injure or embarrass themselves! (Brain: Especially the injury part!)

**DM:** It was funny that you were confused? Or I'm so funny that I confuse you? Or are you just a confused person in general? Hey-I can't stop writing-look at all the reviews! (Brain: Simple premise, simple goal, simple author…)

**Sluggo:** Thanks! May I now insult you? (Brain: Me! Me! ) Down, Brain. You must submit more and longer reviews, before begging for more.

**J.Zink:** 'Snerkles'…cool word! (Brain: Consider it stolen…)

**That little voice in my head:** Ending? Why would I end this when it is so popular? (Brain: And easy to write!) Are you already bored? Shall I quit now, and tell everyone that I granted your request? (Brain: Yes! Carnage, Chaos! Whee!)

­­­­­

* * *

At the office of Mr. Vincent Del Greco:

* * *

"Sir. A young lady here to see you."

"Who is it, Dianne?"

"Miss Raven Roth."

"Uhhh…(gulp) send her in?"

"Sir?"

"Yes, send her in, Di."

* * *

"Hello Vin."

"Why did you come here, Raven-er-Miss Roth?"

"I just had to see who my tormenter was. In person."

"Are you here to kick my ass? To kill me?"

"Not just yet."

"Perhaps we could take this meeting somewhere else."

"Hmmm…"

"A quiet lunch maybe; some espresso after…?"

"Espresso, yes-lunch no."

"A nice coffee house?"

"I hope you're not talking Starbucks…"

"Of course not! You insult my intelligence. Of course, feel free to insult me all you like… I was thinking of a nice little independent place called 'The Boxcar.' Very classy and subdued."

"Hmmm…"

"Is that a yes?"

"Conditional. We'll see when we get there. Are we taking your car, or my broom?"

"Hee hee. Good. At least you can still express humor. I'll drive."

* * *

Hmmm… Subtle lighting, reading nooks, homemade soup, coffee, interesting reading material… 

"This is suitable, I hope?"

"Surprisingly so. I approve. We can talk here."

"I'm truly sorry we had to meet under such circumstances, Miss Raven."

"Just call me Raven. Not Miss Raven. Not Miss Roth. Not Rae. Just Raven."

"Okay-Raven."

"Tell me. Why do you torture me?"

"I don't mean to torture you. I'm not a brave soul."

"What does that have to do with—"

"I had not the courage to approach you."

"But you like me?"

"Yes. Very much so."

"Then why do you want to cause me pain?"

"I didn't realize that I was causing you—discomfort."

"You're just going to order a straight Cappucino?"

"Oh yes. I can't stand all those sweet foo-foo drinks. You mentioned Starbucks. I don't even understand what people see in that place. Their house blend tastes like battery acid. The place is full of yuppies, preppies and lawyers."

"Hmmm…"

"What will you have? Espresso, Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee…?"

"Straight Cappucino."

"Hmmm…"

* * *

­­­

"I never dared hope to actually meet you…especially considering the—uh—unusual circumstances."

"You have to stop."

"I suppose a retraction of a certain 'remark' is called for?"

"Uh-huh."

"No romantic tales?"

"Nothing."

"And in return, you will—"

"Perhaps we could meet again to discuss story lines. Ones which would not cause civilian casualties…"

"How will I convince the readers that this is not leading to some sort of romantic involvement? Many of them will dislike that notion almost as much as you."

"I guess I'll just have to kick your ass."

"(Sigh-) I suppose you're right…"

* * *

Q: What time is it?

A: Review time!

(Brain: Please refer to all previous threats.)

Ooh-ooh! Don't forget to check my Bio Page (Brain: The nitwit means the 'Author Profile Page.') for updates, Vinnie's HOF, Review of the Week, Ego Meter and other good stuff!


	21. Beastboy elicits sympathy

Props:

**Schizo and Proud:** Cool, she like me! (Brain: Uhh...I think we'll just leave you alone for awhile...) C'mon, Jolie-be a good sport!

**Lady of Faerie: **Glad you liked it. But I get the feeling your sidekick does not truly appreciate me. (Brain: Wow-genius!)

**AstaOmega: **Keep up the randomness! I like it. (Brain: I also approve.) And thank you, and thank you.

**Terra Logan: **Sorry, I didn't really mean it! Talk to the brain... (Brain: Hehehehehe.) Please don't kick my ass again?

**Shekron Kaisar: **Very amusing, although quite random. (Brain: Good for a laugh, though...took Vin quite a while to figure it out...)

**DM: **You are not acting like a kid. (Brain: No-idiot Vin is.) A good sense of humor, and wonder is something that everyone needs to maintain, always.

**Christina Ross: **(Brain: Oh yeah-you are going to threaten me?) So sorry about the broken heart. (Brain: Nice decoy-now he doesn't feel like insulting you...) Oh, well-you can always write a story...

**animegirl: **Thanks! I am so glad you like it. (Brain: Fangirl!)

**TRIGON: **Uhh...sorry? (Brain: I blow my nose in your general direction...) (Twice.)

**Evil and Bored:** Thank you, and yes-that is intentional. (Brain: Makes him think he is intelligent...)

**the lone psychopath**: Oopsie...forgot the violence... (Braan: Phttttpt!)

**akuavari: **I am not offended that you think I'm frickin' funny! (Brain: She questions your useage of 'big' words, numb nuts.) What? You doubt my linguistic expertise? (Brain: May I..?) Be my guest, Brain...

**J.Zink: **Hey-I haven't even used it yet! Snerkles...snerkles...snerkles... There. Now you can have it back. (Brain: Does that word have something to do with inhaling cigarette smoke with your-) Shut UP Brain!

**Nightlark**: Correction-you DID have amusing reviews...

**Saint H: **Hee hee-he said 'flucking'... (Brain: Should we read his story?) Huh? Do I have the time? (Brain: No-but you have time to sit there holding your-) Shut up Brain!

**Not Quite**: Not done... (Brain: Impudent whelp!)

* * *

"No way! You're going on a date with that Vincent dude?" _Dude!_

"IT'S NOT A DATE! ARGHH! WE ARE JUST DISCUSSING LITERARY ENDEAVORS OF MUTUAL INTEREST! _Do you even believe that...?_

"Chill, Rae-little dude didn't mean anything by it. Ya gotta admit, it is kinda unexpected, after the way he's upset you. _Like almost freakin' destroying the world upset..._

"Maybe it is. But now you all are the ones meddling in affairs not of your concern. And upsetting me. _Control, Raven...Azarath, Metrion, crush Beastboy's skull..._

"I think it is wonderful that you have a new friend. I would be very happy to help you pick an appropriate wardrobe for your, um, meeting. We could go shopping... _A girl cannot go on a date looking like a lady vampire in one of those old movies that Beastboy likes..._

"Thank you, Starfire, but I don't think I'll be needing a 'wardrobe change.' As I said, it's NOT A DATE! And he is not a friend. I am solving my problem without further destruction by gaining Mr. DelGreco's cooperation-nothing more." _My-but how we do protest..._

"Hey guys, I think we should all mind our own business and let Raven handle this her own way. She needs her privacy." _She likes me-I can tell by the way she looks at me-so appreciative-when I stand up for her..._

"Thank you, Robin. But I think I can handle myself here. If everyone would just stop thinking, and listen to what I say." _And stop trying to score points, Romeo-before I slap you silly..._

"Why do you always dismiss what I say, whithout even giving it a moment's consideration? I can be serious, too! What do I have to do to get your attention? Maybe if I acted like an inconsiderate idiot, and got you so mad that you almost blow up the whole city...maybe then you would take me seriously, huh? I wrote you poetry too! Do you know how long I've been trying to get your attention? No-but no one takes me seriously! Nobody appreciates me! Maybe I should just quit the team, or something... _Maybe I should just go to my room and beat my head against the wall now..._

(Beastboy runs out of the room.)

"Don't ya think you should have a talk with Beastboy? I think ya really hurt little man's feelings. He really has a thing for you, Rae...but if you tell him I told ya, you can forget askin' me for help about anything. _Not like she does, anyways..._

"I'll talk to him for you, if you'd like, Raven. I think he just needs a little time to cool down, and then he'll listen to reason. _Like stay away from Raven, 'cause she likes me better, anyway..._

"Would you like me to accompany you to talk to Beastboy, Raven? Perhaps he would feel more at ease with two of us to talk to." _Perhaps he won't be so scared of you if I was there to act as peacemaker..._

"Okay. Look. I will go, by myself, to talk to Beastboy. I didn't realize he cared so much to actually blurt it out like that. I didn't know it was that serious a crush he had on me. I was wrong, okay? So just leave me alone! I'll fix things up with BB. I will go where I want, when I want, with whom I want. Comprende?" _Gaak-I think I'm gonna be sick...

* * *

_

R-E-V-I-E-W...What's that spell?

(Brain: You need help?)

* * *

Oh oh...now I remember. That chapter sucked, and I wasn't supposed to post it...

(Brain: Hee hee hee...remember to review, people! And tell him that he's right...)


	22. Aftershock, Redeux

The indispensible 'Shoutouts!'

**Lady of Faerie: **Brain says he can help with your problem…but you know that old saying about the 'cure being worse than the disease?' (Brain: I like them both!)

**Terra Logan**: I hate you for agreeing with Brain! ( Brain: I hate you for putting him on your 'Fav' list for that stupid 'Betrayal' thing.) But I forgive you for adding me to your 'Faves' for 'Betrayal, Reduex!' **Thanks!**

**Shekron Kaisar:** Huh? What was the question again? Oh yeah—no, that was not Raven—that was me, the all-powerful third-person omnicient author!

**Visigoth: **My, we do have so many ideas for plot turns! (Brain: Kill him?) I am sooooo not into S&M! Brain is the one who…ouch! Quit it!

**J.Zink** (Brain: A wise decision, human vessel!) What? What what happened? What does that mean? (Brain: See kids…read Mr. Zink's comments, and you will see why we tell you not to smoke…'tobaccos' which are not properly aged…)

**AstaOmega:** See, Brain—not everyone thinks I am stupid! (Brain: No accounting for taste…) Thanks!

**Animegirl75:** Hee hee—she didn't mind being insulted! (Brain: Unusually tough…) That was just a gratuitous insult to initiate you to the 'club.' Glad you have a sense of humor! (Brain: He can stop hiding now.)

**Schizo and proud:** 'Spunky' Raven? 'Yes, we have no bananas-Robin?' Vodka? (Brain: I'm in love!) I, like you two, too…possibly too much to say…

**Kali Donovan: **Glad to hear _your_ condition is so easily controlled… Oh, damn—did I do that stupid 'introduce a plot line' thing again? So sorry—I will try to rectify that, starting now.

**Not Quite Worthless**: (Brain: Are we feeling a bit inferior?) Stop it, Brain! Not nice! I'm sorry, that was just your gratuitous insult of welcome! Thanks! And, you're welcome!

**Christina Ross:** I'm sorry, but you leave me nothing to insult you about…you are such a clear, incisive, brown-nosing reviewer! (Brain: Allow me… Your comments are inane, irrelevant, and patronizing.) Hey---I thought you were gonna insult her?

**Saint H:** You sir, are a strange person. But you kiss up in a most pleasing manner. (Brain: We'll keep you.)

**Nightlark: **Ta-da! You just became amusing again! Thank you for calling me 'cool.' (Brain: That may have something to do with the 'amusing again' bit…)

**AlwaysWrite: **Aha! Very clever—buttering me up with praise before dropping the 'but' bomb… (Brain: Impressive!) Well, I'm on to you! If you _really_ really liked my story you would never have a single teeny-tiny objection to anything! (Brain: Excuse us, while Vin beats his head upon the wall…)

**DM:** Filler? Filler! That's what you call something that sucks, but not too bad? (Brain: She's trying to be tactful, idiot!) Well! I certainly hope this chapter is up to _your_ standards!

* * *

Mr. Vincent Del Greco 

Central Metropolis General Hospital

Trauma Ward, Room 218

Dear Vincent,

I am so very sorry that I—uh—became too personally involved while injuring you for appearances' sake.

I can assure you that, although I did not truly 'lose control,' I had no intention of actually breaking three of your ribs.

I feel really guilty about the concussion and your dislocated shoulder. I guess you are a bit more fragile than I would have supposed for a man of your age.

I also feel really bad about your legs, too. I had no idea that you had bad knees to start with. I hope the doctor is wrong in thinking that you will need to replace the left knee with an artificial joint.

Your nose looks pretty good, though, from the nurses' description.

Five pins in that ankle? Ouch! Does that hurt as bad as it sounds?

I guess you won't be able to write for a while anyway, now…not with your right hand, anyway-ha ha!

Sorry. I don't mean to sound callous or smug about your suffering. I just can't help myself. I feel so good—so at peace—so alive again!

I regret the timing of having to tell you this now, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to call off our little 'agreement.' I don't like to go back on my word but, truthfully, beating your ass just felt so good…so right. I feel like my old self again, perhaps even better!

My changed attitude even enabled me to have a nice talk with Beastboy, and I believe I have a new appreciation for him. He seems better able to deal with me strictly on the basis of a friend now, too.

Of course, I will pay for your hospitalization—it's the least I can do. (Hee hee: that was a joke! See—I'm even learning a few things from BB.)

Thank you for the Cappucino, though—I really did enjoy our talk at the Boxcar.

Too bad I hate your guts.

Sincerely,

(just) Raven

P.S. Let me know when you are feeling all better...we might need to 'get together' again. Muahahahahaah!

* * *

Brain, please threaten the nice readers. 

(Review--or you know what happens...)

Thank you, and--**GOODNIGHT NOW!**


	23. Rae has something to say to you

Props:

**DM: **I am not old! Just my knees are... Lowering your standards to read my fic, eh? (Brain: I'll lower her kneecaps.) Glad you are still amused, as am I.

**Lady of Faerie:** Congrats, babe! Review of the week...just in case you didn't look... (Brain: Look at this!) Hey! I could get arrested for that, Brain! Kudos to you and the (sidekick.)

**AstaOmega7:** Hee hee...a threat, Brain! (Brain: If he's from the South, how does he know what the word 'lobotomy' means?)

**Shekron Kaisar:** Very punny! (Brain/ Vomits )

**Visigoth:** Precisely. (Brain: That was an acceptable review.) He likes you...

**Terra Logan**/ Sob! She doesn't like us anymore! (Brain: Someone does?)

**schizo and proud:** Thank you for your concern for my well being. (Brain: Sarcasm?) My fingers are bad, but I can still type with my tongue...it's very talented. (Brain/ Vomits again. )

**Kali Donovan:** What! If you did not review I would retire, such would be my incomperable misery! (Brain: Hee hee--she said 'fire on a stick'.) Really... (Brain: Cut the crap, Vin.) No, really. (Brain: He will whine, I will hunt you down...)

**the lone psychopath**: A brilliant review! What say you, Brain? (Brain: Agreed.) Luv ya!

**Saint H:** Cute! Hmm..I think I shall steal the idea... (Brain: I already had that idea!) Yes, but it sounds much naughtier coming from a Saint.

**TR, TR, TR:** Thanks, thanks, thanks! Glad to see you're back! (Brain: And your front.) Boo! There may be BB/Rae-ness later... (Brain: Maybe she'll kill him!)

**Nightlark**: Ah, another Robin-lover! You don't like Mr. Del Greco much, do you? (Brain: He's an asshole, like you.) Thanks for the vote of confidence, Brain.

**animegirl:** How did you all guess that she would kick my ass severly? (Brain: She's Raven...) Oh...

**Christina Ross:** You are completely wrong! (Brain: I'll degrade you're grammatical skills...) Be nice, Brain. I like her. (Brain: You like them all.) Yes, but her 'name' sounds like a real person...kinda makes her special here. (Brain: Idiot!) Don't stop brown nosing, it does work!

**Push me:** Thank you! I have no voices in my head, though. (Brain: What am I?) You are a real entity, Brain. (Brain: It's getting worse...) (Brain: Oh, and what do I say to you adding us to your fave's? That is appropriate, although you should beg for mercy. I may Push You (off a cliff) just for tempting me.) Stop it, Brain-voice-person-entity-thingy...uhhh... Nevermind...

* * *

Chapter 22 follows these insanely creative page breaks kindly supplied by the creative minds at FFADMIN.

* * *

Dear Fanfiction readers,

Due to the fact that things have been rather quiet here in Jump City lately, and also that Mr. Del Greco has been 'indisposed,' I have found myself with a bit of excess free time on my hands. I chose to spend some of that time on the fan fiction website, mostly scanning the comments that reviewers have left in response to stories about the Teen Titans, and in particular, me.

I am appalled at the multitudinous rumors, innuendos, mistaken notions, mis characterizations and, of course, outright lies being propagated about myself and my friends through the medium of fan fiction.

Excuse me if some of my response seems harsh or poorly-worded; I am having a bit of trouble maintaining a sense of calm. I am disappointed in you readers. Frankly, I am a bit pissed off. Okay--_very _pissed off.

It's bad enough that the writers of the television show occasionally portray me as some kind of cutesy-pie-overdramatic-emotional-teenager-two-dimensional-chibi character. Their minor hintings at growing intimacies between myself and other team members are annoying, but not the stuff of scandal.

I cannot fathom what evil motivates you fans to so maliciously impugn my purity of purpose. I am a half-demoness, for goddess' sake! I am constantly reminded of that fact, in case you don't know, through constant struggles to suppress the evil inclinations of my sinister half. I can't afford to be involved in the kind of emotional roller coaster rides that I am put through in these fan fiction accounts.

Yes, I am quite capable of experiencing the full range of human emotions; from love, to tenderness; delight to disappointment; joy to rage. But please allow me to clarify: the only emotion that I truly need to worry about is hatred. The others need to be carefully controlled because all can lead to hate. Think about it! Do you suppose that I can afford to be involved in a romantic affair which could turn out badly--that could turn ugly, as many marriages do? Trigon alert.

Why is it that my room--my private sanctuary--is something I guard so jealously? (I know, poor choice of words.) In my room are the few possessions which I care about, some of which I really treasure...

Let me explain by example, for those of you younger readers.

Cyborg treasures his car. It's his 'baby.' Hell--he loves the damn thing, for all practical purposes. What's the harm in that, right? Normal people get strong attachments to things, or people. It is a part of who they are.

Follow me.

When Cyborg's car was trashed, he went through a hellstorm of powerful, negative emotions. He was outraged, worried, fearful. He became angry; adrenalin-pumping excited. Then he experienced guilt; regret; anger at others; anger at himself; sorrow; miserable, brooding depression at his loss. Finally, a spark of hope. A growing joy that the 'soul' of his 'baby' still existed, and the physical part could be reborn. Appreciation and deep gratitude that I aided him in his effort to recreate the T-Car. (Don't you dare start thinking 'love'!)

Some of my belongings are almost as important to me as the T-Car is to Cyborg, (Although in all modesty, I do not adore them as he adores his automotive masterpiece.) Were some of these important objects lost or stolen I could experience an emotional tidal wave, such as the one our mechanical friend went through, which would invariably end badly: very badly--for not just myself; or my friends; or Jump City; or the United States; or the Earth: but for the entire freaking known universe, quite possibly!

You cannot imagine the untold horrors that could be unleashed by the freeing of Trigon, which could occur just because I got overly-emotional and distraught over a (in comparison) trifling personal loss.

So leave me the hell alone!

In an aside, my lawyer has advised me that I had nothing to do with the brutal beating suffered by Mr. Del Greco.

Pay attention! I'm getting tired of repeating myself! Stop gossiping about me!

Grudging felicitations and thinly veiled threats,

Raven Roth

aka Raven

That's it--just Raven!

* * *

poliuzze reeviewwwwa-sortry,.myu thuong izs trtirreds.

(Brain: Please review, or I shall hunt you down, and apply the dreaded brain-noogie.)


	24. Vin's Convalescence

Yes! It is the return of the 'Props'!

Love you guys!

* * *

Lady of Faerie: You just get better, don't you?

Nightlark: You love && sniff && Brain? (Brain: Scoreboard, baby! Hey, 'Lark you wanna meet me at Barnes & Noble for some serious reading? We could get a caffeine drip...)

DM: What can I say? I always love reading your reviews. You are a breath of fresh air. I mean that. Luv Ya!

Shekron Kaiser: Whew! You confused my brain (but not my 'Brain'.) Watch out for that cape...

Kali Donovan: Yay! She said it again! (Brain: He really is an idiot.)

animegirl75: Try what...?

Christina Ross: Hope you are doing fine now. Please let me know. (Brain: I, on the other hand, can appreciate reveling in another's pain, especially if it is Vin...)

Terra Logan: Thank you for the genuine (if qualified) comment. And, yes, I are to smart!

Push Me: Thanks! But do continue your fic—I need the cover.

Saint H: What can I say about Saint H that hasn't already been said (without using profanity.) Great job, man—keep sending the funnies!

Wizardmon92: Dude, if you seriously want to use 'the Scribe'...well—good luck with that. Let me know how it turns out.

Lolopixie: For some reason, your pen name turns me on. (Brain: Perfectly understandable. Perverts have strange attractions...) Thanks for your very kind comments!

Visigoth: Ha! I'm back, and begging for more! Well, where is YOUR Raven story/thoughts on Raven? (Brain: They are stuck in his...)

Brain! That was not funny! But it was mildly amusing...

Kill LB: Hee hee! Me too!

Lightanddarklove: What INSTRUMENT are you playing with? I played Sax, Flute, and Bassoon. Thanks for the kind words—I really appreciate it.

Cmartist: Don't think you are the first one to try to talk Starfire into that...

PinkBlueLilac: Thanks! So, what are your favorite colors...?

* * *

Dear Raven,

Thank you for setting me back on the path of rightous living. I deserved the beatdown, and I appreciate your good intentions.

I am doing quite well, thank you.

My physical therapist says that he thinks I will be able to walk again, someday, if I keep up the exercises with the three-ounce ankle weights.

My EENT doctor says that I should be able to speak intelligibly after two more operations on my nasal cavity andor palate. The bone graft is taking very nicely.

I can now type with my fingers again, albeit with two fingers, on one hand, but hey—we should all be grateful for what we have, right?

My psych says that we—I mean me/I will soon be able to taper off to three antipsychotic/antidepression medications very soon—perhaps within a year or two. Happy day! She says at that point, she will be able to release me on 'the unsuspecting public'. She also said that after I get off the Lithium, I will probably stop drooling, and they will be able to work on my teeth. Best of all, I will be able to go to the bathroom all by myself, and not have to get all those enemas.

The good part is, whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. You have made me stronger,by not killing me! I no longer suffer from oppressive, irrational fears, tempting others to refer to me as a 'pussy.' I am totally unafraid of anything, other than your right hand.

So now I can speak the truth confidently. I love you, Raven. We were meant for each other. Think about it—how many other people have survived getting their ass soundly whipped by you, and lived to tell about it. Much less brag about it. Less yet, voluntarily offer to come back for more. Anyway, you could never hurt me that much again—I'm still on a continuous Morphine drip.

Hey—you did offer to meet me at 'The Boxcar' again, remember?

Look. I know we got off on the wrong foot, and all, but I really think I am a better person now. You have taught me so much about humility, and valuing life, and Gd knows, I will never, ever, forget it.

Sorry if this letter rambles a bit, but then, I'm a ramblin' kinda guy. Haha! (Apologies to you-know-who.)

Then again, I'm not sure if I'm rambling—I'm very fortunate to still be able to put together sentences of moderate length, with my brain still swelling. (They did, however, switch to a smaller-gauge cranial drain tube last week.)

What was I talking about, again? Oh, yeah. I love you, and want to see you. I love your brain. I love your wardrobe. I love your room. I love your hair. I love your breasts. I love your hips. I love my life, and I want to share it with you. After all, you do own me now, so to speak.

Oh, yeah. I love Curry, too. And I hate tofu. I love Goth-punk. Love off-beat coffee houses. Love alt. Music. Hate disco. Love cats. Hate preps.

See—it could work.

Think about it.

I mean it—this is not a joke. I love you, and want you. (You can do weird kinky things to me—there are lots of parts of my body that no longer have sensation!)

I am the Yin to your Yang.

You call the shot.

Everlasting thanks and love,

Vinnie

P.S. I make a clam sauce to die for...you know you want some.

* * *

Please write a sexy review! 'Brain' is threatening to pull the plug on my ventilator.

(Brain: Not funny!)

The ventilator reference?

(Brain: No--the telling on me part...Review! Or face the wrath of the one with no face!)


End file.
